RIP Humanity

I don't really post on current affairs and political news. But this time I am making an exception. 

Few days back I saw somebody posted on Facebook that people are so bothered with Gaza that they forgot about “Kargil Day”. I couldn’t agree with it. As far as I can remember I was in 8^th standard when Kargil war happened. It was terrible and even though any social networking sites weren't there we were all updated through the news channels and news papers.

However, we can let it rest in peace and in the past now.

On other hand, any war is the excuse of mass murder. Be it in Israel, Palestine, India, and Afghanistan or in any country.

Water, border, rights of the refugees- it seems Israel and Palestine have decided to not to agree on peace at all.

The only power plant was hit yesterday by shelling.

The pictures are all over the internet.

They are scary…

They make me believe that humanity is truly lost...

By the name of self defense what is happening there can be named as Mass Murder. I am sorry if I can find out any other term right now.

When the sea came roaring...

The storm outside her window was becoming ferocious. A storm was going on inside her heart too. She tried to concentrate on the book but the words started jumbling up in front of her eyes. She gulped down the remaining whiskey from the glass and decided to go out in the balcony. She wanted to feel the roars of the wind and to forget everything for some time.

She always wanted to be a free soul. She always wanted to be detached from everything and everyone. Exploring the world like a traveler was all she wanted and till now she was doing just that!!

It was a stormy night when she decided to end it all and choose her life. His broken heart, the sparkling diamond ring on the floor and the unborn love child that never came into the world- She left everything behind and never looked behind. It's been 15 years.

His touch was still same as was his smell. They made wild love to erase the 15 years from between them. It was then his crooked smile and voice that told her that he has AIDS!! And that his revenge was taken.

She felt her wings chopped off.   

His body was then lying in the hotel room in a pool of blood when the siren started blowing.

She looked at the rising sea level. It looked like thousands of octopuses were coming to get everything at the shore.

Somewhere the next day The Breaking news said-

“The terrible Tsunami washed away everything in the small island. Thousands died in the shore, houses and hotels. Thousands others not found yet.”

The "Fallen"

She ignored the bruises on her face. The brunches were making more. She knew those bruises are nothing compared to what she was running from. She had to run for her life.

Darkness has its own characteristics. Even though she always feared darkness that night it was her only friend. She was running from the light.

She never realized that her “God” could be this cruel. She always believed in God. She thought God spreads love and love can never be wrong. Nobody told her to not to love outside her religion.

She heard how they torn apart the clothes from her sister’s body while she was going to school. She still had faith on her God.

And then the shining dagger took the life away from her beloved. She could not cry; she had to run.

She had to save the child. The child she was carrying inside her womb…

The dawn was near....so was the crowd behind her...

She still had faith in her God…

From Spring to Ashes

The night was growing old and her eyes were still wide open. The kohl is now smudged and the red lipstick is no more there. The calling bell never rang.

She waited till it was dawn and then she slept there.

It was raining that night. The champagne worked on him. His eyes all over her and the sparkle in his eyes was enough for her to take the next step. However, the restaurant was really not the place.

They kissed in the rain. Inside the cab they cared for no one. The cab driver looked in the mirror many times but they did not care.

His hand all over her, the warmth breath of his on her nape and the sensation all over her body- they craved for more and more.

She did not want it that day. It was late and the weather was bad. She thought of making it special. When he wanted to come in, she stopped him there. The next night she thought would be perfect.

Virginity was sacred and she wanted to wait for the right person and right moment to lose it to.

The right moment never came….

She was in his thought, when the high beam of the opposite truck made him blind. He felt nothing afterwards…..

It’s been 2 yrs! She is still waiting…

Wearing makeup, lighting candles…

The calling bell never rang!!

Poison Ivy

He looked back at the crossroad through the car window. He never really thought he has to cross this path in his life and now when he did, he is feeling numb.

The scent of women, the silky smooth skin has always been his drug. He always felt better and energized after playing with a young women’s body. It was his driving force.  Even at this age he felt proud of his body and how he still excites the girls who are half age of his.

The red light is still on and the huge traffic jam in front strangely didn’t disturb him anymore. He has all the time now.

He thought about last night. Her silky smooth brown skin and black shoulder length hair made her look like a goddess. With every thrust he could see her pain and yet she didn’t give in. She urged for more and more. He became a demon and ravaged her. Her magical scent drove him crazy. Her kohl smudged eyes took him to another world altogether. All these years he almost forgot that animal inside him still exists.

The light turned yellow. With that growing and burning chest pain he looked at the photograph and the note behind again.

It was her photograph with her mother that she intentionally left behind.

The photograph shocked him.

He knew her mother!!!!!!!!!!!

Many years back, they knew each other… "well”. The scent of her body once drove him nuts. Her eyes once took him to another world. A few nights of togetherness and a few nights of wild lovemaking is all he could remember.

A line was written on the backside of the photo.

“Happy Father's Day Dad. Hope you liked the gift last night”

With the growing pain on chest, his world suddenly went Black. The traffic light has turned Green now.

Are you Connected?

Technology was supposed to bring us all closer.

Well, I have 400+ friends on facebook- if you can call that coming closer to so many people at once.

I keep updating my status on facebook multiple times in a day.

I love sharing pictures on Instagram. I love talking non stop on Twitter.

However, still at the end of the day I sometimes feel lonely.

And when I wonder- I find out, that I am not really getting closer to most people.

There is a void I sometimes feel inside.

But then, staying away from home, staying away from friends- You need a medium to be in touch always.

I am always connected with people via whatsapp, Facebook or Twitter using my phone and Tab.

Few days back I was checking a new tablet.

I just realized- it is the obsession of staying connected that drives me

I realized it is the obsession to know about the news and what’s happening around the world-

I realized it is the obsession to find myself in the cyber world that drives me…

May be it is not bringing people closer really…

But Virtually it is…

I am happy with that…

I am happy with the tech savvy tag that I got.

Wings of Life...

Late nights, beer, music, success, sex, gossip…

He was getting bored of everything…

All of it…

Faces started to becoming unknown to him.

The masks are now falling off.

He was tired of fighting.

With himself.

With his parents.

With his wife.

He was scared.

He was scared of society.

He was scared of future.

He was scared of humiliation.

He felt trapped.

Forever.

The "lady" inside him was crying.

His couldn't let it come out.

The downfall from the 17^th floor suddenly seemed the only solution to him….

test post

test post...

~Lady in Black~

She could see them…

Making love and cozying up in each other’s arms.

Little did they know about the future and they did not worry.

She took a step forward.

Her black lacy dress felt like black clouds.

She saw their little puppy playing with the colorful ball.

She felt pity.

Pity isn't really her nature.

They looked through her.

Her fingers clenched.

Her eyes twinkled.

The puppy started barking.

The couple left the bed to see outside.

She knew this is the time…

She felt pity for the puppy.

But it is not the ideal time…

She has more important work to do…

Kill…

Her name is “Death”….

The unconscious!

What kind of a room is this??

I cannot see any door…

I do not even remember how have I ended here!!

Where is it??

Am I dead?

What happened to me??

The dim blue light is making me sick!

There is a small round table in the middle.

With a teapot and cup. Black.

Should I drink it?

I am thirsty.

I might already be dead!

Dead!!

Dead!!!

Am I??

NOO, I can’t be…

Let’s drink it…

There was a cricking sound I can hear…Some movement in front of me…

There is someone!!! No, Some people…

Aahhhh….ME!! all of them are me!!

I must be losing my sanity, these are just mirrors!!

Why am I in a mirrored room!!

I think the tea would make me feel good.

Am I dreaming!!!

How all my shadows are walking, dancing and looking at me??!!

I feel somebody!

Somebody behind!!

WHAT'S HAPPE…………………………………………!!!!

D.I.A.R.Y- Dear I’ll Always Remember You

You!!

Right in front of me!!

From the long lost memories!!!

The pages were burnt!!

The pages that I took the pain to burn off!!

The pages that were lost!!!

You!!

My diary!!

18!!!

The age to be vulnerable!!

The age to be immature!!

The age to love!!

The age to get the heart broken!!

Yes, 18!!!

I poured my heart out in you.

I cried in front of you!

I conspired with you!!

You saw…

You listened!!

You saw me killing myself!!

You said nothing!!

You were my secret!!

My sweet little secret!!

You were my friend!!

My trusted friend!!

And then you are right here in front of me!!

After so many years!!

Black, maroon, green and red!!

The pages, the secrets, the tears!!

Time to burn them all again!!

Bury them with all the words, hidden inside.

My Diary-

Dear I’ll Always Remember You!

Dark side

The room was dimly lit.

She couldn't see anything though.

Her hands were tied.

She felt dizzy. Confused.

The lizard from the ceiling was looking at her.

She was scared.

She had no idea, how did she end up there.

Her body was aching but she couldn't move.

Her legs were tied too.

She heard a sound and somebody entered the room.

The touch in her legs scared her.

She couldn't see the face.

Her legs are untied now and the hand between her legs made her feel sick.

She couldn't shout. Her lips felt sore.

She felt the disgusting touch in her whole body.

She wanted to die.

Death wasn't kind to her.

She got gang raped.

                                                *************************

In another world,

People said, the girl was too modern and character less and must have eloped.

Her would be groom smiled that no one noticed.

A whole family committed suicide.

They lost their daughter 2 days before her marriage.

She was gang raped.

Backside...

Leaving the country was tough… he thought!

He couldn't stop frowning…4 yrs back he felt sad of leaving…

Now, he felt like an outsider…

The sweaty feel, the bumpy road, the cacophony and everything in the public bus was testing his patience…

The laptop bag was slipping from his shoulder again with another jerk and he decided to leave the midway and take a cab….

The journey from the middle of the bus to the doorway seemed never ending!

He was swearing silently just when he saw her….

He knew that floral print…

He knew that curly hair…

He knew…he felt he just knew.

He stopped!!

He watched her from behind, talking over the phone…

He heard her saying his name to somebody…

HIS NAME!!! What the…….

He took a step forward…and another one…

She got up, managing her floral kurta…

And he saw her face!!

It wasn’t her…

He took the step back…and smiled!!

It was never her…

Not now, not 4 yrs back…never…ever…
That known pang in the chest...But....

With that pang in the heart…the crowded bus suddenly felt comfortable…

Side effects of being a "She"

She was raped!!!

Multiple times- every day…

Nobody was there to listen…

Nobody was there to even complain…

Every day- every night- she stared

She stared to the ceiling…While her body felt the touch of another person

Touching her privates, pinching her, slapping her…

Her tears dried up…

Her clenched fist got harder on the bed sheet…

Her soul screamed!!

Her soul died a thousand times each time the other person entered her…rocked her…

She wanted to finish her studies…

She couldn’t…

And today she couldn’t take it more…

She ran away….

Just…to be gang raped!!

Her fault?? – She was born with vagina and boobs….

She is a “Girl”…

And she was also a Prostitute….

So, she shouldn't have any privacy of her…

She was not a girl…

She was a Prostitute….

Just a Prostitute…

Places to go before I sleep...

Say we were in Paris, in a smoky café.

 Loud music playing in the background, and a sexy singer on the stage.

You are sipping your whiskey and I am my red wine.
The red one shoulder dress of mine is similar to the color of the wine.
My red lipstick and smoky eyes are looking at you.

We are sitting just at the opposite of each other, I changed my legs. More skin show.

You opted for another peg.
Are you looking at my legs now?

My deep neck and my red lipsticks- they are looking for your attention…

Are we talking less, we should talk more then…

I hold your hand that was placed on the table…

“Let’s go out, let’s take a walk and enjoy the beauty of Seine…. Will you?”

The dream came to a sudden halt with a jerk…ouch…

Ohh, where are we??

It looks like Rio de Janeiro!!!

“girl, we are not in Paris, We are in Brazil!!

This is Copacabana beach, and the way you are getting sun tanned I want to make love to you now!"
But....

You seem distant.

You are looking at the water, but not actually seeing it.

Your red bikini and brown hair- I want you forever!

Let’s take a bath- a cozy and romantic bath…

Will ya??

Nah, let me take you to another place.

Close your eyes!!!

Open it now!!!

Is it…is it London??

Yeah, IT IS HARD ROCK CAFÉ!!

It’s noisy and crowded!!

I cannot see your eyes!!

You seem a little too corporate and formal!

The Martini in your hand….

The little black dress of yours…

No…

I cannot differentiate…

Is it you or somebody else!!
Another Swirl…..

A clear and windy day…

"Hey boy, I’m sure you like it now."

Far from the crowded café we are now in Prague.

This is the beautiful Golden lane.

Won’t you enter the Prague castle now?

This is just the place where you and I could stay forever…

Real forever….

Aaahhh… Another jerk….

Where are we now ?

Ssshhh….

Look at the messy people,

Their dirty cloths,

Their loud make up…

The polluted air…

The beautiful river…

The large white dome of GPO…

The warmth of people…

Let me kiss you…

Aahh, we cannot do that publicly…

Let us take a boat ride on the river Ganges…

We are in Kolkata!!

The questionnaire

I love walking alone…

It helps…

Every day I go back I see you, chained…

Chained with your baggage, chained with your memories…

Those black and snaky memories….

They look at me…

They make the hiss and shot me the dirty look… I hear…

1. Who do you think we are?

2. Who do you think you are?

3. Who is it that is chained with us?

I feel puzzled…

I don’t know where I am…

Everything is swirling…

I feel the cold snake skin against my skin…

I shivered…

4. Do we look scary?

5. Would you come to us?

6. Do you love us or hate us?

I struggle, unable to make any sound!!

I struggle hard to keep the memories away.

They keep coming closer.

The hissing sound is deafening now.

7. Going back, isn’t what you want?

8. Are you scared of looking forward?

9. Don’t you like the feel of coldness that we give to you?

10. Look at us, won’t you?

I struggle…and I struggle more to break the chain...

I manage to look up…

Aah, it was just a dream..

A bad dream, just like all the locked up poisonous memories.

There is no questionnaire of life…

I am looking forward….  Unchained and Free!

Secret Lullaby

My hands are shaking.

I should avoid offering you any beverage.

Why did you come here? How did you get my address?

For years I have waited just for you.

You never showed up.

My life became a complete mess.

It’s been two decades. And you are here.

I can see your lips moving.

I cannot hear anything.

You are saying something.

Oh, water. You need water.

I should offer you something with that.

Your fingers touched mine.

No, I don’t remember the first touch anymore.

It’s been more than 25 years now.

That silver streak in your forehead is saying a lot.

I saw your book. I never bought it.

You look pale.

You need not apologize.

I lack mercy. You know that.

I am being normal. You are being smarter.

I don’t like smart asses.

I like snakes.

I have many, in my store room.

Their hissing sound makes the perfect lullaby for me. 

I feed them.

I feed them in the hope that one day you will show up.

Today, is the day…..

“Would you like to have some “flavored” tea??…aah, just as I thought. Let me make it for you then. You will love it.”.

HOMO- Sapiens

He heard his mom calling him again from downstairs. He knows everyone is expecting him in the hall but he couldn't move. He knows he needs to be there, after all it's his BIG DAY...His wedding..... He checked his mobile phone again. He couldn't delete the mail he just got. He closed his eyes.

                                                     ***************************

Hey sweets,

What’s up? I know you don’t want my messages or mails. I don’t know your number so this is the only way I have. I am not expecting a reply from you. I never intruded in your decisions and this time also I respect it. You know, there is that cute boy joined my office. I thought of taking him out for coffee but couldn’t approach. Saw your picture on Facebook on other day. Loved your t-shirt. Green suits you even though you hate it :-). Who was the girl with you? Is she the one you are dating now? You were surrounded by girls in some of the pictures. Never saw you like that so…… You know I almost cried... Well, No I did not. I am stronger than that.

After you left, I started working more. My event management company is now looking up. I know, you used to be the pragmatic one and I was always the emotional fool. And see, finally you made the fool of me. Never thought you will get married to any girl one day? Always thought, you could stand tall facing everything, every criticism on your way. Always thought, one day you will come back to surprise me again just like the old time…..

Saw your engagement pictures on Facebook, You were smiling. Were you? Really? How does it feel to be with a girl?

Don’t you miss me? Don’t you miss my hands playing with your hair. Don’t you miss our moments? Don’t you wear the blue shirt anymore? You look hot in that shirt, Always ;) ... Don’t you just wanna be with me? Would you call it off if I come in front of you on your wedding day?

Love.

P.S- Don’t worry. I am not coming. I still replay the moment we have shared. And also, I want to live again, collecting all the shattered pieces for that. Have a happy married life.

                                                     ***************************

He pressed the reply tab and then deleted it. He knows he has lost his love – the only love of his life forever. He couldn't be brave. He couldn't be a rebel. He accepted the fate his family decided for him. He accepted the girl they have chosen for him. He couldn't protest. He just couldn't gather his courage to do so......Because....

Homosexuality is still a crime.... 

Into the Vacuum

He was holding the postmortem report. Shocked!

                                                  -----***-----

“I think I have had enough. Every day I cannot take blame for everything. It is not what I have hoped for. If you lack forgiveness then no one can cure that. You are not God. Do not pretend to be that. Your mistakes are justified because you come up with tear jerking excuses? And I cannot?

Every day for last many years, I was trying. Trying for new things to make you happy, trying to forget myself at times to make you happy. Trying to forget my happiness to make YOU happy! It just never seemed enough.

It’s not the gifts, it’s not the trips, it’s not anything else but you- that killed me. Sorry if I sound selfish but no one has the rights to slow poison me for so long. I haven’t got my life from you. So, you have no right to make me feel like this every day.

Every day I wanted to find out warmth in your eyes. Every day I ended up becoming colder and colder. But you weren't satisfied yet. Sadist? Yes, I think you are a Sadist. No matter how much I try you will continue to magnify your problems and continue to cause and induce more pain in my life.

Acting. Pretending. I am tired of all these. All I wanted is a home. I ended up under the cloudy sky with no shades over my head. It was never a home. You never let me make it one. You will never let me do that.

I am not taking anything from you. Yes, I am taking few things I have kept my soul in. Because you don’t need my soul or anything that is really “mine”. I was in dilemma for last 5-6 weeks. But finally, I decided to not to leave any part of me behind.

Happiness is a state of mind. You never understood that.”

                                            ------***------

He got this mail from her 3 days back during a client meeting. The other news followed soon.

3 days ago-

The car was crashed badly. Hitting the rocky bottom after falling from 3000 ft mountain, one needs miracles to survive. Her luck was never that good. In that crushed car 3 books, 1 pen and her body was found. It looked like a bloody meat lump with some clothes on.

Present day,

He was standing with the post mortem report.

She never said that She was 6 weeks PREGNANT!

The Hospital corridor looked long and endless.

Painted Memories

The days of seeing yourself through someone else’s eye everyday…..

The days of feeling goosebumps with someone’s touch…..

The days of stealing few glances to your favorite person….

The days of anticipations….

-          Are the best days.

She saw herself like that every day...

She felt the sudden rush of blood whenever his name flashed on her mobile…

She spent hours to decide the outfit before meeting him…and then opted for the most easily available one from there…

He was her favorite person.

He was the perfect person- to her.

The tons of happiness he felt whenever she came to his sight….

The pinch of insecurity came along with that…

Her wondering eyes sometimes produced a strange pain inside his heart…

He knew her smell… He loved that…

Her lips made him many sleepless nights…

She was his favorite person…

Their wings got entangled with each other…

They traveled to the glittery and smoky pubs in Paris…

They traveled to each other's deepest darkest thoughts…

They scared each other…

They got scared of themselves…

They made love!

It was supposed to have a happily ever after!

He was looking at her picture!

That stabbing pain he felt again…

He closed that book and went back to reading the letter he recently got.

It was left in his favorite book that he couldn't check in last few years.

                                    ------------******-------------

It was more like a page from her personal diary than a letter.

He went through the words millions of times and still reading it.

"I never felt I could suddenly leave everything behind. I never felt anything wrong. That day when you started to fake that smile, I knew something was terribly wrong. I could almost see what’s there beneath the eyes. Even now I am in excruciating pain and I can see the anxiety in your eyes. I know you are wiping of the tears silently standing in the veranda so that you can come up with a smile in front of me. I am trying to have faith on your faith. But I want you to have faith in your belief. I cannot see that. Somehow I can feel the end, but I don’t want to. As I always used to say the journey of life is exhilarating, painful, definitely worthwhile and most definitely progressive. I have a feel that my journey is ending. You cannot hide the vacuum in your eyes through your smile. The way you clutch my hands during my sleep I know that touch. I still have belief in you. I don’t want you to lose the hope. Your hope and strength is my last resort. This might be the last page I am able to scribble on. I wanted this book from you so that I can read something while taking rest in this boring and dull sky blue hospital bed. They should make hospital more colorful you know. This shade of blue is boring and depressing. The pain is bothering me. Also, I know you will soon be here beside me once you finish talking to the doctor. Don’t know how long. Now I guess it does not matter whether I want to live or not. You must not forget to enjoy the exhilarating journey of life. As I always say, it is worth all the pain. If there is anything called afterlife most probably I will see you from there. Till then love yourself and don’t stop yourself from falling in love. With anything or anybody."

He shivered again. The scorching heat outside failed to provide him any warmth. He never failed anywhere. The pain of the biggest failure happened 6yrs back. He lost all hope. It was today he thought of rearranging the book shelf and suddenly touched the book he just kept there for last 6yrs untouched. He wanted to keep her touch sealed in that book. Today, this book suddenly played few scenes from the most painful memory of his. He decided to take a trip to the riverside to spend some time alone. 

                                                  --------********----------

Riverside never fails to make him connect with his sole. He once decided to not to bring the cigarettes there ever and he still follows that. The wet feeling in his toe suddenly bought him back to present. The cute little puppy said a lot with its round black eyes. He took it and then suddenly understood the meaning of love all over again. He took that cute little four legged creature home.

Beneath the cold eyes

I cannot see anything…..Why did you call me here in this dark and mysterious wood?

Your hands seem cold….Mine is sweating… I don’t understand you sometimes…

I am not fond of darkness, I get scared…

I thought you planned for a romantic outing…this was not what I imagined!

Well, I didn’t imagine anything… I could not. Every time you came in front, my imagination stopped right there…  All my fantasies came true.

The first time I saw you, in that white dress… you were struggling with your unmanageable hair... I felt jealous of the breeze… your eyes were hiding behind your waye hair and all I could see was your lips. I wanted to touch them with mine… But… You looked distant…and suddenly you smiled at me!

Looking at you does not give me peace now… It somehow stirs the passion inside me… every day I feel more attracted to you… but you seem to have some other plans in mind… and finally I can now see your face illuminated of the moonlight… your eyes are still and you seem to be confident about where we are going…

I am not feeling well, I am chilled from within. I need to smoke.

I wonder whether I have ever told you about my fear of darkness!!!
WHY DID you stop here now!! I thought we are supposed to go somewhere little illuminated… This is insane!! You know INSANE!!!

Where are you!!! You did you leave my hand!!! I cannot even hear the sound of your breathing! Its cold here and…and  I feel something even colder around my legs!!!! … it’s moving upward…

Where are you!!!

WHERE ARE YOU!!!

WH… …… …………

3JUSBFBB383A

Parallel Universe

Say we were in London...nah Paris...in a smokey n rugged pub...Tourists? ummm yeah...

You are sipping the beer and looking at it intently.. Then you looked at me.. What did you see? Nothing. Your concentration went back to the mug full of beer again.

That fat and oddly dressed lady is looking at you. She is drunk. Why are you giving her a distasteful look? Ohh, you are looking at that singer. Yeah, She is beautiful. She sings pretty well too. 

What is there in your beer that you seem so interested in it? I am sitting right in front of you. Looking at you. You did not even notice that.. Ohh, you did. What are you saying? what am I looking at? well, err... nothing..

I placed my hand on the table for quite some time..it was within your reach. Did you see that? So, you are now reaching at the cigarette. I think I need one too.

What are you looking at? My cigarette? or the glass of wine? Did you see this new one shoulder dress I'm wearing? My red lips? The blackish blue kohl in my eye? or, the beer still appeals to you more?

Aah, here comes the cold coffee and sandwich for you. How did I imagine this place as a smokey pub in Paris? well, all I can say is my imagination is better than your silence and helps to kill the time in a better way. Your food has arrived and with that the end of this bizarre post too.

End of a dream....and world!

…….And then I checked your mobile. Your inbox was empty.

I had to kill you.

I always feared that you would got hurt while cutting things with this knife. Now it seems handy for me to have my work done.

You made no sound.

The crimson liquid was getting soaked in the white bed sheet.

You still look beautiful.

Just an hour ago, when you were still sitting on my couch, sipping my glass of wine- I was looking at you.

I saw that spark in your eyes…I started undressing you… For the last time.

The luscious lips as always got all my attention- and other parts too.

I was searching in your body that you thought as exploring….

I was searching for a way to kill you… to free you from your burden…

I know you have made that call to them… they are coming to arrest me, to take me to unknown prisons.

I can hear their movement on the stairs now…2 more minutes…

You once said that you do not want to live after I die…

I fulfilled that wish… I freed you from that… I freed you from your consequences…

The footsteps are coming closer…

My time has come…

Click…click click… its EMPTY!!!! Where are the bullets??? Why did you hide them???? I need them…

The footsteps came to a halt….

KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!

“We know you are inside!!! Surrender yourself NOW!!! There is no way to escape from here…” 

~Canvas~

Muhurtora khoniker hoy
duhaat diye oder chepe dhor!
mutho bondi hole pore oder
chotjoldi framebondi kor!

Diyechilam muhurtoder jhaank
Tor chokhe tobu udaasinota;
Muhurtora hariye jachhe dekh;
Hariye jachhe tor amaar kotha!

Aye na abaar notun smriti gori,
Notun notun muhurto te bhora...
Shada kalo noy rongin canvas-e
Sukhi shundor muhurto-te amra!

~Niye chol Tara der desh e...~

Keno amar motoi holam,
keno holam na tor moto?
Podokhepe mile jeto mon
Miliye jeto somossyara joto.

Keno holam na tor moton
Keno bujhini tor betha?
Hoyto dhore rakhte partam
Aaj o thaakto haasi, kotha...

Keno mone pore
Keno sopne aasis tui?
Etogulo maas poreo
Toke je pashe chai...

Mone pore jay dingulo
Mone pore tor mukh...
Juddho kore klanto laage
Nei tor koler sukh...

Sesh kichudin ekla achi khub
Tui royechhis dur tarader deshe...
Juddho klanto amaay dekhte pele...
Bosbi ektu eshe amar pashe?

~chol harai~

Tor kotha shunbo

naki nijer kotha,

Bolto?

Aajke borong

hariye jai abaar,

Cholto.

Meghla akaash aaj

Brishti namuk,

Ojhore,

Bikel seshe

Vijbo jokhon dujone

Haat dhore.

Chupi chupi jokhon

hobo brishtisnato

Nirjone,

Jokhon raater kole

haarabo notun kore

Dujone.

~Kobita~

Hoyto vebechili sudhui shada pata,
Kichu ortho bihin hijibiji kata;
Jaanina hoyto fele diyechis
Hoyto hariye geche amaar kobita!

Jaanina tui vebechili kichu;
Naki sudhui kichu chhondoboddho lekha;
Toke lekha somosto byarthota
Koekta sei purono holud pata!

Sabar jonno ekechilam chhobi;
Tor jonno roilo, amaar byarthota!
Shada kalo moner ondhokare
Amaar aami-r chhondo bihin lekha!

Porte paarchhis to?

~okaron~

Mon tor kharap howa baron...
Chokher kone bristi namuk..
Kapuk thont jora...
Mon kharap laga okaron!

Mon tor kharap howa baron...
Je jai boluk...
Bidrup koruk...
Mon kharap thakai jibon!

~Moricheeka~

Ghorer baire rasta chhilo dui...

Ekta poth chhobir moton jeno...

Onno pothe dariye chhili tui!

Chhobir moton pothke bole "biday"

Onno pothe bariyechilam paa;

Pother baanke hariye gelam kothay!

Chokh jholsay jhilik dewa aaloy;

Manush gulo sudhui manush rupi....

Bhulbhulaiya, Bhul dharonar boloy!

Pother seshe sukher morichika...

Pothik aami pother khoje ghuri;

Poth ta jeno boroi aanka-baanka!

~Protichhobi~

Aaj onekdin por vebechilam
likhbo chhondobodhho;
boslam niye pen-khata
thik tokhoni mon-ta obadhho!
Kichhu chhera pataar smriti
Kichhu elomelo tukro din;
Shada kalor canvas korlo rongin!
Amaar thonte chhuye gelo tor thont
Haate roye gelo ushnotar poros;
Hothat venge gelo ghum
Dhulo dhuklo chokher kone!
Raater seshe notun kore shuru
Notun pothe nityonotun chola;
Ar notun notun sukher golpo bola.
Raat birete hothat ke jeno daake
Daak shune vaabi kono ochin pakhi?
Daakta tobuo bhishon rokom chena;
Hoyto aami nijei, hoyto khub ochena!
Aayena ta ottohasi haase
Amaar aami daariye mukhomukhi!
Protichhobi byango kore bole,
"Aaye dekhi tui thik kotota sukhi..."

~Barbonita~

Bolchhe swopno, bujte chokh
Mukhosh? Naki kutsit mukh?

Baastobete vir er majhe
Byasto sabai nijer kaaje...

Monta aatka goraad jaale
Hoyna kobita, shorir mile!

Tukro kagoj, dey biliye
Sosta shorir, jachhe khoye!

Ottohasi, udaas mukhe
Eito, dibbi aachhi sukhe!

~ogochhalo kheyal~

Kobitara elomelo....
Monkharaper chhoway
Mon ogochhalo!!

Sondhera baari jay
Raat pakhider danay
Sopno sundori sajay!

Rongin aalo
Rukhho, teebro bhishon;
Chokh dhadhalo!

Pashapasi haat
Osompurno..rikto..
adh khaoa coffee cup!

Urche Smriti...
Urche onuvuti edik sedik;
Urlo haway ushno priti!

~Agaami~

Ekta bikel hothat holo sesh
Hothat kore holo sopno vongo;
Haaste haaste haralo hasir karon
Jibon hothat khelna, tamasha-rongo!

Bhirer majhe hariyechilo amaar aami
Hajar mukher majhe boddo komdaami...
haarjiter khelay kistitei maat...
Stobdho amaar ochena agaami...


Chokher saamne chollo bio-scope
Smritira sab film hoye chole...
Bondho chokh, bondho kaan...
Tobu smritichinho ra kotha bole!


Khaader pare jibon jokhon sosta
Bhishon khudro nijer chokhe jokhon...
Pichhon firey dekhlo hothat mon...
Dariye chhilo amaar aponjon!

~Durotto~

Roshnai te dhadhiye chhilo chokh...

Bhirer majhe nijei chhilam ochena;

Camera bondi nanan mukher saari

Ochena sab mukher aanagona!

Tarporete hothat kore jokhon

Nirjhorer sopno holo churno...

Valobasar hariye gelo pran...

Holo coffin bondi soddojato sopno!

Haariye geche onuvuir shikor...

Joler hawa deyna sporsho tor....

Aaj haater faankai pore aache

onuvutira laagiyechhe aaj dor!

Firti pothe cholbena ar mon...

Notun pothe egiye cholte chay...

Nahoy thaakuk anguler faank khali

pother baanke apatoto bidaay!!

~Khonik Smriti~

Bolechhile....

tomar chokhe roder chhite laguk
tomar thonte laguk projapoti
tomar hasi jhorna dharay vanguk
vanguk tomar thomke jaoa goti...

Bolechhile......

tomar hate uthuk premer mala
tomar paye bajuk premer nupur;
tomar chhoyay jibon joyar asuk
namuk onuvutir bristi tapur tupur....

Tobu keno....

amaar shorir jure borof shitolota
amaar chokher joleo ovaab ushnotar!!
aaj sabar majhe beche thekeo jeno...
Chokh khulle sudhui ondhokaar!!

~Saap-siri~

Nijhum raate sopno dekha jay...
Surjaloke sotty ki ta hoy?
chokher sopno chokher konei sesh
Bastobete thakena taar resh.

Haaste haaste kanna rukhte chay...
Kaandte kaandte haaste sekha jaay?
Haasir shobdo kanna hoye jhore...jokhon
Chokher joler hiseb haway orey...

ektu adhtu chhilo hisheb baki
sedik thekeo khatay bishal faanki!!
gormilete millo na to mon
jog biyoge haralo aponjon...

haater faanke arekta haat mele...
haasi thatta bondhutter chhole;
Hothat kono jhorer paake pore
Se haat kachhe thekeo onek dure...

Jibon chokre saap siri te bondi
kothay shuru kothay hobe sondhi...
Jotil totte haariye gechhe mon...
Saap siri-te joriye jibon japon!

~Megh Brishti~

Megh bolechhe raag hoychhe...
Mukh firiye amar theke...
Valobasha brishti dhuye...
haariye gechhe rod mekhe.

Megh ke chai brishti niye...
Moner majheo brishti chaai;
Hothat kore mon kharaape...
Toke niyei bhijte chai...

Iti... Meghbalika!

~Noishobdo~

Bikel seshe neon alor deshe
urchhe dhulo, baarchhe byastota;
keuba chhote ghor er dike...
karo chokhe onno madokota!

Tuio kemon palte gechhis...
Ochena bhishon..onek onek dur;
Tor sporsho jantrik boro aaj
Tor kothay...onno kono sur!

Khujchi koto, pachhina to
Kiser khoj taao jaanina!
Shunte kichu kaan pete roi...
.............................
Shunnyota te, Mon maanena!

~O-Purno~

Jokhon chhonnochhara sur kete...
alokito poth meghachhonno goli;
Tor kotha mone pore hothat...
Aami nijer mone nijeke hariye feli.

Jokhon baloonwalar laal sobujer jhaanke
Ekta duto smritir lukochuri;
Tor na bola sab onuvutir sporshe...
Aami jukti torke notun kore haari.

Jokhon somapti te osomaptir dhoni..
Purnota ra opurnoi roy;
Gopon kichu "sab peyechhi" baade
Jibon ta je ichha puron noy!

~Oghoton~

Moner kotha bujhbe ke aaj bol...
Ore mon...nijer moto chol.
Somaj jaale aatke sopno onek...
Sopno...tui jiriye ne khonik.

Kichu bethar hoyna kono bhaasha...
Ar kichu betha...boroi sorbonasha.
Mathar bhitor bethachhonno...
Sukhosmriti... Sporsho ushno.

Thonter vaanje lukiye onek kotha...
Na bola kichu...kichu gopon betha.
Nitikothay joriye chupkothara...
moner konay poth vulechhe ora.

Jodi ghote jay...kono rupkotha...
Pokhhiraaje moner mita.
Baariye duhaat aalingone...
Raajputro...Rajkonnye.

~Rudhho duwar ~

Kokhono koborkhana gechis?
Tor moner kone..
ondho gopone?
chora bali ar
mritodeho jekhane...
smriti bondi aaj...
somoy osudh
korchena ar kaaj...

kokhono paaper haat dhorechhis?
Bondho ghore...
ekla dujone
bahu bondhone???
Ushno shorir topto
dheuer moto ekotro...
swarthopor somoy tokhon...
sab paaper opore...
niyom bhangar duware...

Kokhono aagune haat diyechhis?
odommo ek akorshon...
Agun chhowar nidorshon...
Hisheb vule adim khelay...
Motto shorir shorire...
Sobhyotara mukh lukiye
Ekanto gopon aadore!!!

Random

Mon kharaper jhor uthechhe...

Moner majhe...
Brishti nemeche...
Polok bhaari..
Moner kotha keu...
Sunche na je...


********************************
Moner duwar khulchena aaj...
Bondho kopaat;
Urchhe jhaanke
Shalikra sab;
Bekar Koraghaat


********************************


 somaj jokhon haat paa bedhe rakhe
moner kone jole agun
dhiki dhiki...
boro biswad mone hoy
Niyom badha
Rojnamchar Jibon...


********************************


 sunche na j moner mita...
boddo obujh
boroi jotil je se...
aaj mone hoy
sopno sab e
haway gechhe mishe...


********************************


assas noy bedona sudhui
chokher patay....
bristi hoye jhorche;
maanche na baadh..
joma kothara golar majhe
dola pakiye morchhe...


********************************


Nodi bolechhe bodlabe poth...
baanker seshe
ekla paare...
bose aachhe se;
meghla mone...
haariye gechhe...
megher e deshe...
*************************************


megh ketechhe rod uthbe bole
jhor thambe
notun shuru hobe...
kichu aador
jole dhuye jabe...
baki sab smriti hoye
mone roye jabe...

~Chhinno Bhinno~

Golpo shurur sedin gulo
Mishti dushtu bhishon...

Aaj golpo seshe hothat kore

Purono hochhe apon....

Haater opor haat chhilo

Thonte coffee-r cup...

Aajke jeno chardike te

Depression er chhap...

Onekdur e ogyatbas e...

Kono raater ondhokare...

Sobhyotara miliye jaay..

Unmukto shorire....

Chhutir dupur, batanukul

Shitol tobu ushno....

Thonter opor thont chhnuwe jaay

Bhasiye sab prosno....

Sobhyotader mukh mukhose

Niyom kanun jaale;

Chhinno shorir chhinno monon

Gopon chhutir bikele...

Tobu jibon chole nijer taale

Chhono chhara chhonde mile;

Karo chokher kone dufota jol

Karo mukhe
mithye hasir kolorol...

~kichu tukro kotha elomelo~

Diner seshe saanjhbelay
Raatpori der vaangchhe ghum;
Klanto shorir, dirghoshas
Sesh bikeler klanto mon...

Raatpori der chokher maya
Jachhe chhnuye klanto mon;
Mon kharaper thonter chhnoway
Smritir kone aaponjon...

Sheeter bikel jomjomaat
Rongin shaal, sutor kaaj;
Sobuj maathe roder aador
Moner kone smritir bhaanj...

ar tarpor...

Rupkothader patay patay
Chupkotha ra chup kore;
Raatpori der golpo pore...
Haariye jaay chupisaare...

~Dhusor~

Laal neel rong paltay
Shada kalo dhusore...
Swopnera sab palti khay
Dusopner dosor-e...

Ichhe chhilo ichhe gulor
pakhna mele orar...
rongin palok chhinnovinno
ichhamrityu amaar...

Ostitwo dori taanchhe
vul ar thik er majhe
jibon ta aj felna boro
laagchena ar kaaje...

Somoy kuriye barano raat
bunto kothar sopno,
kothar jhuli shunyo je aj
kejane kar jonno...

ekta duto muhurto rao
sudhui chup thaake...
somoy ghori thomke geche
ke jane kon baanke...

Smritir goli ghoraghuri
mon manena mon
koshtogulo golay chepe
haaschhi sarakhon :D

~Betha~

Aandhar raate eka bichhanay
Haat paa chhoriye shuye;
Mone pore jaay raater adda
Smriti vaase chokh chhnuye...

Mone pore sab haasi kannay
Golay bondho koshte;
Smriti bare bar mathachara dey
ar bandhe aaste prishte...

Chokh chole jaay khali haat tay
Shunnyo haater pata;
Thomke daray somoy chakay
Na rakha kothar betha...

Bare bare sei khali ayenay
Kono chhaya khuje fera;
Jara chole jay megher deshe
Firey ki aase tara?

~Gotanugotik~

Somantoral rail line er sathe
Kothay jeno jibon badha aache...
Ku jhikjhik chhondobodhho sur-e
Jibon chhote thik orokom kore...

Gotir sathe gotanugotik chola
Notun notun mukh-mukhos er mela;
Mukh paltay somoy chakaar sathe
Notun kono chhaya chhobir gotey...

Tarpor...
Jatra seshe vinno pothe chola...
Roilo pore kichu kotha na bola!

~Bastab~

Eknishto, onabil tobuo
Otripto tomar chhowa...
Chhinno moner onuvutira
Valobasar Mrito Kaya;

Tobu mone hoy
Jhor aaschhe vishon..Gohon;
Dhongsho smriti, bilupto bastab
Vangche sopno, Vangbe monon!

~Harano~

Raat bolechhe raater sathe
Golpo hobe chupkotha te...
Nibir jokhon chokher pata
sopno sukher kono barta...

Hothat kore hothat jokhon
Ghumta vange jokhon tokhon...
Aabchhayate ondhokare
Ekla bhishon ekla ghore...

Sesh kichhudin sesher pothe
Onek smriti jachhe ghete...
Brishti esey jaachhe dhuye
Megher kotha buke niye...

Pother dhaare khelchhe kara
Chena to noy ochena ora...
Boddo je sukh oder chokhe
maatir dewale dukhho dheke...

Bohutol er koner ghore
Ekla je keu ei sohore...
raater sathe raat kaatiye
Bastobe te jaatra kore...

This was my 2nd Birthday without you...
I miss the birthday mornings when you used to wake me up with a smile, wishes, card, pen, book and cadbury. I used to wait for that eagerly. So eagerly. Birthdays do not seem happy anymore. I used to get the things I ever thought of. They were small but full of love. Your love :).
Birthdays are not same anymore.

I wake up with the pain of not having you there anymore.
I wake up with the nothingness inside.
I wake up with a feeling that no one will be there in the kitchen making murighonto and chingri malaikari for me.
I wake up with a vacuum in my heart.
I wake up with whatever you taught me and I smile.
I check my mobile to see your smiling face and I smile.
The day passes well...I get gifts...I cut the cake...went out to have dinner...Swissotel this year...But there is nobody backhome to tell the stories...nobody to ask every small details and give small inputs...
Life has taught me to come out of my utopia...to accept the rough life...n to forget the fairy tales...
May be there is an alter world...there is a place where you can watch me...n may be I am there too...just now smiling with you...You are stroking your hand lightly on my head n trying to calm me down...
Another 20th July...another B'day...another day with gifts n surprizes...

without You..

~raat 2:30er hothat lekha text message~

Bikel sesher sondhye bela,
poob akaashe megher mela;
nodir buke megher chhaya
sandho kalin klanto hawa...
pakhir dana ghorer tane.
mon ta chhote ghorer paane,
ekla bose ekla mon..
ghor hariye mon kemon!
ektu haasi khusir khoj-e
ekla boro vir er majhe...
moner majhe chhobir vir...
ghono kuashay raat govir;
bishonnota ghirchhe vishon,
haar maanche moner shashon;
tobuo vaabi aasbe provat,
jwolbe aalo kaatbe raat...

~Bisonnota~

Bikel theke onno sur-e
Sukh pakhi oi daakche kaar-e;
Sukher golay dukher taan
Kothay jeno haariye pran!

Bikel seshe saanjher saaje
Jwolche aagun moner majhe;
Opekhhate chhilo kaaro
nirjhorer aaj sahos boro!

Saanjh aakashe joler daag
Megher rumal dhaakche raag!
Tobuo hothat brishtipaat
Jokhon
Dukhho sukher dhorlo haat!

~Mon kharaap~

Raat birete monkharaap
Aandhar dhaka gopon paap;
Raat furole purbe din
Roder sathe rongrongin.

Rong er chhite canvas-e
Shada kaalor chaarpaase;
Shada kaaloy jibon chhobi
Chaar haate aaj poth harabi?

Hothat kono pother baanke
Hoyto paabi sopno ta ke;
Sopno boroi sopnomoy
Duhsahoser dey porichoy...

Haariye giye haarabe mon
notun aabeg kichhu puraton;
Porichito jibon vuley
Jibon chole nijer chaal-e.

~elomelo~

Tor jonnye jwelechilam aalo
Likhechilam elomelo kotha...
Toke niye chhilo khusi sab
Haasi kanna valolaga ar betha.

Hoyto sesab thunko sab e aaj
Valobasar nei kono ar daam...
Manush sudhui rokto mangshe gora...
Takar sathe ojon howa naam!

Hoyto esab vul dharona amaar...
Roopkotha te vulechhilaam sab;
Raajputro haariye gechhe kothao
Roopkothara mook, bodhir o nirob!

Oteet smriti khorakhuri hole...
Manush tokhon manush to ar noy...
Vaalor sathe kharap khuje pelei
Jibon khaatar hishebe vul hoy?

~smriti-charon~

Mon kharaper dorja khule rekhe...
Brishti daake moner kona hote;

Jaanala diye brishti veja mon
Jaachhe vije smritir kolahol...

Chokh bujle smritir prekhapot
Flashbacke te khusir chhobi hothat...

Khulte chokhe chaaichhena aaj mon
Ondhokaar e mrityu chaaiche monon...

Jibon sudhu jibon niye khela
Mukhos pora mukh mukhoser mela!

Manush hoye milbe naa aaj mote
Thunko hisheb saamne esey jote...

Oteet sudhu oteet jokhon noy
Valobasha-ta oteet smriti hoy!

~Jodi~

Jodi boli urbe pother dhulo
Jodi boli hariye jabe poth
Jodi boli sopno sudhui vanga
Jodi soriye ni aaj haat...

Tobe ki

Themey jaabe tomar onuvuti?
Themey jabe gopon kotha bola?
Themey jabe notun sopno dekha
Thamiye debe eksathe poth chola?

Abar

Jodi boli du vaag hobe sagor
Jodi boli pahar khujibe chand?
Jodi boli harabe snighdhotara
Jodi vange chokher jol aaj baandh?

Tokhon

Themey jabe tomar haater porosh
Themey jabe chupkothara abar
Themey jabe ushno saannidhyo
Themey giyeo poth cholbe abaar...

Tarpor hothat

Jodi pothe thaamte vule jao
Rajkonnye bondi hobe abaar...
Jodi firey aaste kobhu chaao
Rupkothara poth dekhabe ferar...

~Porihaas~

Jhukchhe aalo
Uthchhe akash...
Bikel sesher
Snigdho batas...
Shanti aane
Topto dine...
Aagun tobu
Moner kone...

Raat purechhe
sei aagune...
Joler chhnowa
Bashpo haane..
Rikto smriti
Shunno chokh...
Andhar mone
haraye sukh...

Jhor esechhe
Vishon hothat...
urchhe dhulo
Vangche kopat...
smritir dhulo
aaj porihaas...
bhobishyoter
Kono itihaas...

~Pothik~

Jokhon
Dupure bela aandhar aase neme
Roder taape purchhe chokher jol;
Hothat kore moner porda uthe
chokher saamne smritir kolahol...

Tor jonnye aankini kono chhobi
Tor jonnye likhini kobita...
Vaabtam bujhi bujhis je tui sab
Na bola sab gopon moner kotha...

Aanka sekha tor haat ta dhore
Kobitagulo o tor kaan chhuye jeto...
Mishti haasir onuvuti ta chhara..
Bakkyogulo ki konodin pran peto??

Aajke jokhon hothat chokhe vaase
Mondo valor kichhu muhurtora...
Smritigulo jotno kore rakhi...
Moner majhe thaakuk bondi ora!

Aajo majhe majhe sporsho pete chai
Tarporete bujhi brithai chaaoa...
Taai notun kore nama pother khoje
Pothik hoyei poth ke khuje jaoa..

~Shunyo~

Shunyotara odvut hoy boro
Dhorte tader para jaay na motey...
Naa thekeo obaadh jatayat
Jokhon tokhon moner majhe jotey...

Dupur seshe raatri hothat naamle
Moner majhe shunnyota ke pabey...
Chokher jole balish vijbe jokhon
Shunyotader jatayat baarbe...

Tobu jodi juddho korte chaao
Shunyota ke shunyo kore dekho...
Haater mutho alga koro ebar...
Smritider sab jotno kore rakho!

Smritir aghaat shunyotake daake
Shunyotader songi shunyo mon...
Smritir sathe juddho kothin boro
Jodhhokhetro tomaar amaar jibon!

~Smritir pata~

Jokhon

Manush haray smritir patay...
Abchha aadhipotyo;
Shunnyo ghore edik odik
chhinnovinno ostitto!

Badami molat haway orey...
Moner tepantorey;
Naa haranor shorto sab e
Haray ogochorey!

Shikol diye baandhbe jibon
Mrityu badhonchhara;
Smritir patay obadhyota
Baron manena ora...

Cholte giye klanto jokhon
Dwiprohor er somoy;
Ekla ekla dukkho vuley
Ekakittwo sohay...

Cholte pothe thaamte hobe
Khonik khushir khoje...
Swopno hoye kothao jodi...
Aashar nupur baje!