অস্তগামী

বুঝলি , কফি টা আর ছাড়তে পারলামনা .

এরকম করে দেখলে হবে? এই যে তুই এই "উফ" করিস , এটার জন্যই তো .

মনে আছে আমি কিরকম ভয় পেতাম যে আমরাও যদি একদিন ক্লিশে হয়েযাই? তুই বলেছিলি হলে হবো , নিজেদের মতো ক্লিশেহবো , কি যায় আসে তাতে ?

সেই যেদিন রেগে গিয়ে ঝড়ের গতিতে বেরিয়ে গিয়ে তারপর আবার মেসেজ করেছিলি , "ধুর বড্ডো ফিল্মি হয়েগেলো ব্যাপারটা" আমি টেনশন কেটে যাওয়ায় বারান্দায় প্রায় আর্কিমিডিস হয়েগেছিলাম .

তারপর বুঝিনি , কোথা দিয়ে যে কেজো হয়েগেছিলাম . তুই একদিন বললি ভ্যালেনটাইন ডে নয় , তুই এভরি ডে, আর ভেবেবসলাম তুই বুঝি ব্রেক চাস . ভাগ্যিস , ফ্রেন্ডস এর রস আর রাচেল হওয়ার ইচ্ছে ছিলোনা আর তোর বিবেচনা বোধটা চিরকাল অবলীলায় আমায়  দাঁড়িয়ে দাঁড়িয়ে গোল দেয় . তাই তোর লম্বা মেসেজ গুলো আবার একবার সবকিছু একদম নরমাল করে দিয়েছিলো . তুইযদিও মানিসনি . 

ওরকম হাঁ করে তাকিয়ে থাকিসনা , কোনোদিন তো বলিনা কিছু . আজ নাহয় আমি বলি আর তুই শোন . চিন্তা করিসনা , সবটাভালো না . একটু পরেই খারাপ গুলো বলবো বুঝলি তো .

তোর মনটা প্রাসাদের মতো . উম না ভুল, ভুলভুলাইয়ার  মতো  . আমি মাঝে মাঝে বুঝতে পারতামনা দরজা অবধি যাবোকিভাবে ! কেমন যেন তোর মনের দরজা গুলো তোর মনখারাপের মরসুমে গায়েব হয়েযেতো . দেয়াল , কাঁটা , বার বার একই রাস্তা, কিন্তু দরজা নেই ! যেন কোনো দৈত্যকে আটকে রেখেছিস একটা দরজাবিহীন জায়গায় . মনে হতো মাথা ঠুকি নিজের , আরসত্যি বলতে মাঝে মাঝে তোর মাথাটাও জোরে ঠুকে দিতে ইচ্ছে করতো . ঢুকতে চাইতাম , তোর মনের অন্ধকার কণাগুলোয় , কিন্তুতুই দৃঢ় প্রত্যয়ে বার বার পাল্টে ফেলেছিস ভুলভুলাইয়ার ম্যাপ .

কি ভাবছিস ? এতো কিকরে জানলাম ? তাহলে শোন , এটাও জানি যে তোর মন খারাপ হলে তবে চোখ গুলো ওই যেটাকে বলে রহস্যময়ী স্মোকি হয় আর ঠোঁট গুলো হয় নেশাতুর লাল. কিন্তু হাজার লুকোলেও , তোর স্মোকি চোখের কোনায় যে আমি মেঘের ছায়া দেখতে পেতাম !

এগুলো কি কোনোটা সত্যি ক্লিশে? তোর বলা কথাটাই সত্যি মনে হয় আজ . আমরা আমাদের মতো. তবে কিনা তোর ডার্ক সার্কেল, তোর স্মোকি চোখ , তোর ভুলভুলাইয়া , এগুলো তোকে বানিয়েছিলো আমার সবথেকে পছন্দের মানুষ .

আঃ , এরকম ভাবে তাকিয়ে থাকিসনা , তুই জানিসনা এসব তাতো নয়. আচ্ছা শোন না , ঘুমোবি একটু এখন ? বাকি ডাইরীটা তারপর পড়বো ?

হ্যাঁ রে ,জ্বালা করছে ভিতরে ? মেশিনের আওয়াজ টা কানে লাগছে? বুঝতে পারিনা জানিস , তবু ওটা যেন  আমায় বোঝায় তুই এখনো আছিস , শুনছিস আমার কথাগুলো . জানিস , আজকাল সিগারেট আর খেতে পারিনা . মনে হয় এই মেশিনটা ঠিক আমার পাশে বিপ বিপ করে . তুই জেগেওঠ প্লিজ . আমরা আবার আমাদের মতন একটু ক্লিশে হবো আরেকবার . প্লিজ জেগে ওঠ .

Letter to Lisbon

Dear Lisbon,

Ours was a rain soaked romance, right? Okay, initially I was annoyed but all great love stories start with a bit of annoyance and the more I explored you, the more enchanted I became. I loved how warm people are. If it wasn’t for rain I may not have met so many people and oh so warm, they all were.

I was the girl with the blue umbrella and almost lost it to the coastal wind once. I was the girl who was literally following her dreams through your hidden stairs and alleys. I was the girl who jumped in joy after riding the “iconic yellow tram”. I was the girl who had a smile on her face throughout the day! Through the pink street or the pantheon or the miradouro da graca, the charm is everywhere, lying in plain sight.

The hidden stairs throughout the city and the street art! You are definitely the most versatile city I witnessed till now. You don’t have the cold, snob heart and the colors and graffiti everywhere made you a charmer. 

I have never seen a road like "Pink street". First few minutes I was just looking at it, almost pinching myself of how enchanting the alleyway looked. All the cobblestone roads looked straight from the fairytale and I really think, even though it was raining like cats and dogs, walking through the heart of Lisbon was the best decision I made.

I met you at a time when things didn’t look pretty from where I was standing. You became a breath of fresh air. The Food at Fado was cherry on top for me. Our rain soaked romance will be etched in my heart for a long long time.

Ours was the love story written in rain and wind. 

Love,
The girl with the blue umbrella

The Strangers! - part2

The illuminated room, the white satin, she couldn't remember where she was.

She called for help, a lady in what seems to be white uniform appeared!

M- Good morning madam! I am Maisie. Is there anything I can offer you madam? Let me show you where all your th....
S- Where am I? What am I doing here? Who are you?
M- I offer my apology madam. I do not have the authority to disclose these information to you at the present moment. Is there anything else that I can assist you with?
S- Am I a prisoner here? Whose house is this?
M- I apologize again but I do not have the authority to answer this question.
S- Who can answer these questions? I want to meet that person right now.
M- That would be our "Sir" but we cannot summon him, unless he wants to. Is there anything...
S- Just get out of my sight right now...

Masie bows and left in silence.

She sat on the bed and couldn't understand how did she end up like this! She wants answers...
She realized she was hungry!

Maisie!!!!! She shouted.

The door opened again, and this time a different face appeared. It was him! With a tray in his hand. She saw some sandwich and fruits there. He kept the tray on a table and gave her a warm smile. "I hope you are feeling well?". She didn't know how to answer to that question, especially when she was a captive there. Is she a captive? "Am I a captive here? why?"

He brushed his finger through his messy hair and said, why don't you just eat first, and then all your questions will be answered in details. Ask as many as you want, but before that eat. She obeyed, because she was hungry and to figure things out, her brain and body need food.

To be contd......

The Strangers!

The traffic was stuck for an hour and he was becoming impatient. Tonight, was important for him and he did not want to lose his mind over traffic, before even seeing her once. He checked his backpack once again, the signal turned green. He smiled, relieved. He has this one chance, and he doesn’t want the god of traffic to spoil that.

He is looking for a girl, who does not know he exists, or the story that has brought him here. He has no reasons to be discreet but still he has to be careful. He is standing near the doorway and surveying the golden banquet hall, which is filled with refined bodies in saris and jackets, and beautiful young women with straight hair who never make facial expressions. But they will, soon. Any moment now.

She was hiding her eyes under the brown locks, while looking at the floor. The banquet hall is full, people chattering about business proposals, women chattering about their shining diamond jewelries, she sighs, if only she could escape and run to what she had left unfinished, her Alpine summit.

“Care to join me, miss?” a voice with no diction suddenly spoke to her from behind.

“umm, I would love to, but I am not in a mood to drink actually”, she tried to avoid the situation.

“ah, thought so, how about having some ‘dry’ dance then”

Before she knew, he got hold of her hand, and slowly, made their way outward. Moonlit night, away from the hustle bustle of the gathering.

She hated every gathering, but she had to be there, visible, in her nicest midnight blue ball gown. His hand slid smoothly through the hem in a flirtatious way and her muscles finally started relaxing. He was wearing a nice tuxedo, she noticed. The ring finger had nothing, she giggled inwardly. She couldn’t smell any alcohol from him, hmm, teetotaler? She was amused. He swirled her, bit off balance, as she was lost in her thought, and before she realized he was holding her tight.

“Let’s go outside, and have some air, shall we?”

To be Contd...

The educated (?)

Dear Wife,

I know you don’t want to read much of what I have to say, but I still need you to read, if you can.

It was the second Friday of October, and quite humid. I was thinking of taking a shower together once you come back and then go out and do some pub hopping.

The doorbell rang and I thought it was you, standing there with a smile on your face and twinkle in your eyes.

Surprise! It was you but your eyes didn’t have that twinkle and there’s blood on your dress and bruises on your arms!

You looked like, coming straight out of a nightmare, or may be still living in it. I couldn’t bring myself to believe whatever you were saying, and my brain and heart both were in denial. I forgot how to react or how to be there for you.

I felt ashamed, of everything, of everyone, of myself. You saw and knew what was going on inside my mind and you smiled and tried to comfort me.

I saw you shievering under your breath whenever the breeze used to move the curtains suddenly. I saw how your eyes often lost colours whenever the doorbell rang in odd hours. I saw it all but felt nothing. I felt ashamed of myself, I didn’t want to come back home and didn’t really want to kiss you or touch you!

It’s been 2 years, since you left and left your shadow looming behind. The shadow that engulfed me with a nothingness where I couldn’t see it was you who felt violated, shattered and unloved. It was you with those bruises, in your arms and invisible bruises on your soul. It was you whose soul and body went through the torture and not mine and still it was you who took all the nasty, demeaning questions while abiding by my growing disinterest and shame till one day you couldn’t take it any longer!

That legal notice came as a surprise and as a way to find liberation. However, I do not feel liberated and yesterday, I was thinking how it wasn’t your place to send that notice to me and how it should have been me, sending you the legal notice because it wasn’t me who was violated! It was then, suddenly after 2 long years, I felt ashamed of my thinking, my upbringing and my existence. I realized why you had left me and how my thinking needs to be liberated. It wasn’t that man that violated you, it was me too! I have violated your rights to be loved and to be respected and instead of being there and helping you being stronger I made your bruises bleed even more.

Hence, my dear, would you consider coming back to me to give me another chance to be a real human being? Would you allow me to become the person I always thought I was, so that I can face the mirror again?

Yours forever,
Loving Husband

The broken promise

The drizzle outside made him shiver a bit. While his cup of hot americano went cold, he couldn’t brush off the memories that were still running in his mind. Frowning at himself, he decided to go inside and finish reading the book, and brush aside his thoughts.

(10 years back)

“I like when you blush. Wish I could capture the moment!”

“It is captured in our hearts and we really don’t need a camera for that. Sometimes, in the future, whenever it rains, the smell of the wet soil will bring this moment back to us.”

“What if we are no more together then? Or we are together but in different cities?”

“we will always be together, whether in the same city or in a different one, in life or in memories, in one way or another. I will keep one movie ticket stub to myself and you will keep another. This will be our ticket to this moment”.

“You are crazy!”

“And ain't you madly in love with that part of mine?”

“Nope. I am with love with every bit of yours. You complete me”. Her giggle couldn't let him say anything after that.

(Present day)

While getting ready, he felt the mirror mocking at him. Introspect was something he never felt of doing but the sticky note on the wardrobe door, still pinches him. Is it too late? He asked himself looking at the mirror, only to get no answer back.

The long hours at office, the frequent touring, the passive love making, or his searching for bigger picture and illusive altitudes in career - he could never figure out what went wrong.

(1 month back)

He came back from office to an empty house and everything seemed normal as the food was ready on table and he went for shower. He saw the sticky note at night, “I miss not missing you. We thought we would become one, but instead we became yoU & I. And today, I decided to part ways.” Even before he could understand the situation fully, the phone rang, and it was his most important client.

(Present day)

The drizzle made him uncomfortable and the smell of wet soil was capturing his heart. The last one month he never really missed anything in his life and he knew that he can continue living this way. But, this anxiousness was unknown and new to him and he couldn’t figure out why, why something was not right and was pulling him back.

 It took him some time to remember where his old notebooks are. The drawer in the left side of the corner table, the movie ticket stub was kept carelessly in one faded green old notbook.

A line was written on the backside in tiny handwriting- “never let me go”.

One more time

Is it cold you are feeling?

Your shivering is making me shiver too, but there is an excruciating pain I am feeling at the back of my head that I cannot express in words.

I love this shirt of yours, it suits you. It makes you look elegant and corporate.

Look at me! Please!

Your hair is so disheveled, your eyes are vague, were you drinking tonight?

The leaves are not moving, it is the silence of graveyard, isn’t it?

Your phone, where is it? Never saw your without it. You always had some or the other thing to do with it. Yes, work.

You know, I am having this crushed feeling, behind the head, eyes, everywhere.

How would you know? My ramblings had never meant a thing to you.

Look!! The leaves are moving, nice breeze on your face. Your hair and face can feel the breeze now.

Oh, you don’t look happy about it. Why? Is it because you couldn’t ignite your cigarette in the breeze. I might suffocate you know. So may be, it is better this way.

I am already suffocating; you should not increase that pain.

Are you in love? Well, no, of course I know. All I want to know is, can you love again?

Your eyes are saying everything. I am still there, still inside your brain and heart.

But…

I am a corpse now.

I only exist in memories. This graveyard is my home now and there is no eternity.

So, my love, breathe. Breathe till you can, open your eyes. Fall in love.

Fall in love, one more time.

Again.

It is late, you should leave the graveyard now. You do not belong here.

If you need anything, you will always find me here.

Waiting for you.

Looking at you.

Beside you.

Loving you.

~Amendments~

There was forecast of a heavy storm...

There was this nice room with a big chandelier and a round table with two chairs. He pulled one chair with chivalry for her and then sit on the other one. Her red plum dress hugged her body perfectly, accentuating her curves. The short red hair and the black eyes made her look less than her actual age.

He was in his black shirt with two buttons open and torn faded jeans, something, about it was very casual, and unsettling for her nerves. Rimless glasses were covering his eyes and messy hair covering his forehead. He looked at her and she kept looking at the chandelier.

The red tabletop was bit too red and the plates were granite black. The spoons and forks worked silently without disturbing the silence between the people holding them. It wasn’t really an eloquent silent but a poignant silence in every possible way. Something about this silence has tried to speak loudly once, but it had died long back and now even their eyes have stopped looking at each other, stopping all chances of communication that could have been there.

He wanted to place his hand on her shoulder but put it on the back of her chair instead. She shivered, as if to feel his touch but did not react much. Third round of ice cubes clinked in the glass, the sound of pouring alcohol was clear, and he decided to reach for hand again, and then, he saw her hand trembling a little. His lips curved into a hidden smile, “she hasn’t gone far away, not yet” he thought.

She wanted to say something, but instead went for emptying the whole glass in one sip. He knew the mayhem inside her, as it was happening inside him too, ripping his heart apart and he knew, it is time for him to make amendments for that to her. He waited for her to put the papers on table, while going for the fourth round of whiskey and this time she finally put it on the table, in front of him- Their divorce paper.

Looking at the paper, he finally took her hand in one while offering the whiskey in another, brushing his lips on hers, breathing heavily... their eyes met…

There was forecast of a heavy storm...

Hurricane!

13 hours of flight, 6000+ kms, the excitement to experience the most besutiful city in the world and tasting some of the best food and wine, it was all there.

And, then........................

You happened!

YOU!!!

From the glitz and blitz, I met the beginning of my end.

The Hurricane in my peaceful existence.

~Unborn~

Dear Mom,

I am growing up, everyday, bit by bit.
I am now feeling when you are sad, when happy.
I can hear you talking to papa.
Mom, I can now feel my hands and legs. Here everything is dark, but very comfortable.
When you rub your hand on me from outside, I sleep comfortably. I cannot wait for the day when I will come out and see you. I think you will be happy to see me too. I will be a girl, just like you.

Mom, are you unhappy? I do not feel your hand anymore.
Mom, what are you talking about with papa?
Mom, do you not want me? Do you not want me to see?
Mom, am I causing you so much pain?
Mom, they are sucking me out with high pressure.
Mom!!!! I don't want to leave you!!
Mom!!! Stop this pressure.
Save me!!!
Save me!!!
Mom!!!!!

Unborn....

when the world shatters!

The shattering sound of the broken glass woke her up! Where was she!! It took her a few seconds to gain back the composer.

The room was illuminated soothingly and she cut his legs from the broken piece of the whiskey glass. She didn't realize when she dozed off and now the room suddenly feels quieter.

The clock struck 2'o clock at night!

She had to change her dress. The rooms seemed empty. She look at the picture of him on the wall. She touched her own belly.

The blade was still shining on the table. Her hand didn't tremble anymore.

The earthquake took everything from her.

You- me, and a cup of coffee

She checked herself in the mirror for the last time. Yes, her hair is perfect the backless is giving her curves the perfect aura she wanted. It was a big day for her. She knew what she wanted and she knew why and how. She didn't believe in the Fairytales and for her it was important to be with somebody who can charm her on bed. No she hated certain trilogy but she loved the way Mr. Gray made love with his girl. She knew she was hoping for too much and all she wanted to have little bit of fun.

He checked the fuel indicator in his car. He was fascinated by the idea of making love inside a car. After all, he loved titanic (who doesn't love it)! He checked his pocket to make sure he didn't forget the condoms. He does not want to spoil the fun. 

A lot can happen over coffee, but they both were waiting for the coffee to be over. 

After 3 years-

Getting ready for the wedding, he smiled at himself. He planned his honeymoon trip to the land of romance- Paris. He couldn't thought of starting their journey of togetherness from anywhere else. With the time approaching he felt the happiness and nervousness both inside.

She was busy editing the pictures as her photo exhibition was almost there. She won't get the chance to work in Paris and she does not want to spoil the Honeymoon trip. Last 3 years, she thought was wonderful, full of ups and down and many breakups. Everytime the make up sex was better than the previous one. She didn't realize she was blushing.
She feared that marriage will kill the charm but... Suddenly, it was time to get ready for the wedding, she realized. She smiled! Well, a lot can still happen over coffee she hoped for, so did he!

The Closure

I had to kill you!

Everyday with the growing suffocation I felt like sinking in a deep, dark sea. I had to escape from there. Survival, you see, the toughest thing and I knew I only had one option to choose from.

The day I first got to know about you, I felt a certain tremor inside. I felt the pain in my heart that soon I have to decide. I thought if I try I could love you, but you know all those things they write in books and magazines are fake and no matter I hard I tried I couldn't like you a bit.

Everyday I felt you inside me and everyday my hatred grown bit by bit.

You reminded me of a lot of things that I wanted to forget. 

Your existence was painful for me, my dreams and my wings.

Yes, your existence was like chopping off my wings and I could never accept that.

I wish I could control my anger and frustration towards you. Really?, No, actually I wish for no such things. I never wanted you to be a part of my life and I did not want you to have such a "love-less" life to start with. 

I know you might call me selfish, may be I am. But it is my life, and you would never be able to get the love you need from me. I wanted to free you from that lifelong pain.

You know, I had nobody to reason with, and may be, may be you would understand my reasons...or may be my words sound like meaningless justification to you or may be I am a selfish person looking for some closure with you to get rid of my guilt....may be, may be....

May be some memories are better left locked and thrown away---my unborn child.

The curve on her face...

He saw the taxi and knew he had to hide.

He didn't want her to see him. Even after these many years he still couldn't gather the courage to come in front and fake the smartness.

He saw her black stilettos making sound on the footpath while her manicured hand was busy keeping the highlighted strands of hair away from her eyes. She looked gorgeous.

He knew she would throw a disgusting look to the lift-man for not getting the elevator on time and once she will reach on 17^th floor she will not get the door keys at once. He knew he had to reach there before her and he took the back stairs.

He saw someone was keeping the lift busy in one of the floors; he silently opened the door and locked it again from inside. The darkness he found comforting. After all some works can only be done in darkness. He made no sound, he didn't move anything. His hand was feeling heavy but he couldn't leave it anywhere. His job is nearly done and it is just a matter of few minutes now.

He always knew she was different but last few months things went beyond reconciliation. He knew about this trip of hers and he knew what he wanted. Today was the day.

The door clicked…..

BOOM!!! BOOM!!!

The big balloons popped…

The lights turned on…

Happy Birthday Honey!!!!.......

The horror in her eyes suddenly replaced with a warm smile just exactly how he wanted it before piercing the heavy knife through her heart… The smile remained in the lips, horror in her eyes…

It's a Wonderful Life

He looked at the table and again he did not like the set up.

This was the 5^th time and he still did not like any bit of it. It is just half an hour to 9 and he looked flustered.

He knew he had to say this on that night and that is why the setup needs to be just perfect.

Half an hour later everything was perfect. The peppy and foot tapping movie songs in his phone speaker, the black table cloth with the red rose and red wine perfectly placed upon... she couldn't ask for more.

He saw the sparkle in her eyes again and the blush even her beautiful hair couldn't hide the blush on her cheek. He loved to just look at her.

She felt the Goosebumps again and her hands started trembling. She couldn't believe somebody could make such great arrangement for her, JUST FOR HER!

He knew the perfect moment was it. He looked in her eyes and read what was written there.

The kiss was tender, rough, gentle, lousy and Passionate.

She looked at him, gasping.

He looked at her, thinking.

Was the passion lost? Did they really lost it amidst of all achievements and expectations? Did they really lost it before that moment?

The song changed in the mobile playlist as if to remind him the next step…

Going down on the knees ….to ask her to be with her for the lifetime…

Her wrinkled hand trembled… The big diamond shone in her hand…

He just whispered…  “Happy 35^th anniversary Sweetheart…” 

Humanity- Lost

She died and he couldn't do anything.

He was thrown away from the shared cab with broken ribs and twisted hands. She was thrown with a lifeless body with no strings.

They saw but they had to use their mobile, to show the face of the society so they clicked them- the assaulted boy and the raped girl.

He wanted to cover her- they asked him who is she your girlfriend or Sister?

They wanted to know how did they rape her or was she gang raped?

He lost his senses.

Later he read  -"how a boyfriend fought to save her girlfriend and got assaulted".

1 Month later- He saw them in front of India Gate in a candlelight march.

He still couldn't say the truth that he didn't knew that girl.

He couldn't say he just wanted to save her.

He couldn't say they were just strangers- two “Human beings”.

Death of a soul

The second slap was harder…

The faceless monster got the face.

She wanted to cry hard. She wanted to shout but she couldn't… She didn't.

Pinned on the table she looked at the ceiling and craved for an earthquake. But not all wishes come true. She wished for the ceiling to come crashing down and that didn't happen either. The ravaging continued for some more time till she lost her consciousness. She couldn't see beneath the mask.

She did not want to die, so she chose his filthy touch instead of the sharp knife. She lived, her soul died…

It was 3 years back………She was a "rape victim"...the rapist was unidentified and henceforth was another common man...

3 days back-

Like many others marriage was the dream in her eyes too...

His touch made her shivered.

She choked with the force he entered into her.

She wanted to feel ecstatic....but

She suddenly realized why her being a rape victim didn't matter to her husband….

The two slaps on his cheek couldn't erase her pain and trauma….

She knew she had to go...

She cannot live her whole life with her "Rapist"…