Tuesday, May 09, 2017

The educated (?)



Dear beloved,

I know you don’t want to read much of what I have to say, but I still need you to read, if you can.
It was the second Friday of October, and quite humid. I was thinking of taking a shower together once you come back and then go out and do some pub hopping.

The doorbell rang and I thought it was you, standing there with a smile on your face and twinkle in your eyes.
Surprise! It was you but your eyes didn’t have that twinkle and there’s blood on your dress and bruises on your arms!

You looked like, coming straight out of a nightmare, or may be still living in it. I couldn’t bring myself to believe whatever you were saying, and my brain and heart both were in denial. I forgot how to react or how to be there for you.

I felt ashamed, of everything, of everyone, of myself. You saw and knew what was going on inside my mind and you smiled and tried to comfort me.

I saw you shievering under your breath whenever the breeze used to move the curtains suddenly. I saw how your eyes often lost colours whenever the doorbell rang in odd hours. I saw it all but felt nothing. I felt ashamed of myself, I didn’t want to come back home and didn’t really want to kiss you or touch you!

It’s been 2 years, since you left and left your shadow looming behind. The shadow that engulfed me with a nothingness where I couldn’t see it was you who felt violated, shattered and unloved. It was you with those bruises, in your arms and invisible bruises on your soul. It was you whose soul and body went through the torture and not mine and still it was you who took all the nasty, demeaning questions while abiding by my growing disinterest and shame till one day you couldn’t take it any longer!

That legal notice came as a surprise and as a way to find liberation. However, I do not feel liberated and yesterday, I was thinking how it wasn’t your place to send that notice to me and how it should have been me, sending you the legal notice because it wasn’t me who was violated! It was then, suddenly after 2 long years, I felt ashamed of my thinking, my upbringing and my existence. I realized why you had left me and how my thinking needs to be liberated. It wasn’t that man that violated you, it was me too! I have violated your rights to be loved and to be respected and instead of being there and helping you being stronger I made your bruises bleed even more.

Hence, my dear, would you consider coming back to me to give me another chance to be a real human being? Would you allow me to become the person I always thought I was, so that I can face the mirror again?

Yours forever,

Thursday, February 02, 2017

The broken promise

The drizzle outside made him shiver a bit. While his cup of hot americano went cold, he couldn’t brush off the memories that were still running in his mind. Frowning at himself, he decided to go inside and finish reading the book, and brush aside his thoughts.

(10 years back)

“I like when you blush. Wish I could capture the moment!”
“It is captured in our hearts and we really don’t need a camera for that. Sometimes, in the future, whenever it rains, the smell of the wet soil will bring this moment back to us.”
“What if we are no more together then? Or we are together but in different cities?”
“we will always be together, whether in the same city or in a different one, in life or in memories, in one way or another. I will keep one movie ticket stub to myself and you will keep another. This will be our ticket to this moment”.
“You are crazy!”
“And ain't you madly in love with that part of mine?”
“Nope. I am with love with every bit of yours. You complete me”. Her giggle couldn't let him say anything after that.

(Present day)

While getting ready, he felt the mirror mocking at him. Introspect was something he never felt of doing but the sticky note on the wardrobe door, still pinches him. Is it too late? He asked himself looking at the mirror, only to get no answer back.

The long hours at office, the frequent touring, the passive love making, or his searching for bigger picture and illusive altitudes in career - he could never figure out what went wrong.

(1 month back)

He came back from office to an empty house and everything seemed normal as the food was ready on table and he went for shower. He saw the sticky note at night, “I miss not missing you. We thought we would become one, but instead we became yoU & I. And today, I decided to part ways.” Even before he could understand the situation fully, the phone rang, and it was his most important client.

(Present day)

The drizzle made him uncomfortable and the smell of wet soil was capturing his heart. The last one month he never really missed anything in his life and he knew that he can continue living this way. But, this anxiousness was unknown and new to him and he couldn’t figure out why, why something was not right and was pulling him back.
 It took him some time to remember where his old notebooks are. The drawer in the left side of the corner table, the movie ticket stub was kept carelessly in one faded green old notbook.

A line was written on the backside in tiny handwriting- “never let me go”.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

~Beyond the dreams~

Far away there's a mountain top
That feels the blue,
Atop the mountain is a place for me,
To stand and say, how much I love you!

Where no one can hear my screams,
No one knows, what's inside my dreams,
Where silence will guide my words,
To tell you, to bring my love forward.

My words get lost in the crowd,
Amidst the eyes and masks that hurt,
Invade the deepest darkest thoughts of my heart;

There's the lonely mountain far away,
I will look at its snow smeared peak and scream;
From the edge of my window, I'll cry;
My silence will be broken,
With the lonely sunset and it's pain.

And then,
Don't look for me here,
As, I will reborn from the pain and fear,
My life will flow in silence
With sunshine some days ;
And, at night moon will sing lullaby;
To make me dream again, someday.


Saturday, June 25, 2016

One more time

Is it cold you are feeling?
Your shivering is making me shiver too, but there is an excruciating pain I am feeling at the back of my head that I cannot express in words.
I love this shirt of yours, it suits you. It makes you look elegant and corporate.
Look at me! Please!

Your hair is so disheveled, your eyes are vague, were you drinking tonight?
The leaves are not moving, it is the silence of graveyard, isn’t it?
Your phone, where is it? Never saw your without it. You always had some or the other thing to do with it. Yes, work.

You know, I am having this crushed feeling, behind the head, eyes, everywhere.
How would you know? My ramblings had never meant a thing to you.
Look!! The leaves are moving, nice breeze on your face. Your hair and face can feel the breeze now.
Oh, you don’t look happy about it. Why? Is it because you couldn’t ignite your cigarette in the breeze. I might suffocate you know. So may be, it is better this way.
I am already suffocating; you should not increase that pain.

Are you in love? Well, no, of course I know. All I want to know is, can you love again?
Your eyes are saying everything. I am still there, still inside your brain and heart.

But…

I am a corpse now.
I only exist in memories. This graveyard is my home now and there is no eternity.
So, my love, breathe. Breathe till you can, open your eyes. Fall in love.
Fall in love, one more time.
Again.

It is late, you should leave the graveyard now. You do not belong here.
If you need anything, you will always find me here.
Waiting for you.
Looking at you.

Beside you.

Loving you.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

~Amendments~



There was forecast of a heavy storm...

There was this nice room with a big chandelier and a round table with two chairs. He pulled one chair with chivalry for her and then sit on the other one. Her red plum dress hugged her body perfectly, accentuating her curves. The short red hair and the black eyes made her look less than her actual age.

He was in his black shirt with two buttons open and torn faded jeans, something, about it was very casual, and unsettling for her nerves. Rimless glasses were covering his eyes and messy hair covering his forehead. He looked at her and she kept looking at the chandelier.

The red tabletop was bit too red and the plates were granite black. The spoons and forks worked silently without disturbing the silence between the people holding them. It wasn’t really an eloquent silent but a poignant silence in every possible way. Something about this silence has tried to speak loudly once, but it had died long back and now even their eyes have stopped looking at each other, stopping all chances of communication that could have been there.

He wanted to place his hand on her shoulder but put it on the back of her chair instead. She shivered, as if to feel his touch but did not react much. Third round of ice cubes clinked in the glass, the sound of pouring alcohol was clear, and he decided to reach for hand again, and then, he saw her hand trembling a little. His lips curved into a hidden smile, “she hasn’t gone far away, not yet” he thought.

She wanted to say something, but instead went for emptying the whole glass in one sip. He knew the mayhem inside her, as it was happening inside him too, ripping his heart apart and he knew, it is time for him to make amendments for that to her. He waited for her to put the papers on table, while going for the fourth round of whiskey and this time she finally put it on the table, in front of him- Their divorce paper.



Looking at the paper, he finally took her hand in one while offering the whiskey in another, brushing his lips on hers, breathing heavily... their eyes met…

There was forecast of a heavy storm...


Wednesday, March 09, 2016

Hurricane!

13 hours of flight, 6000+ kms, the excitement to experience the most besutiful city in the world and tasting some of the best food and wine, it was all there.

And, then........................

You happened!

YOU!!!

From the glitz and blitz, I met the beginning of my end.

The Hurricane in my peaceful existence.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Shada canvas

Tor amar ichhe gulo
Hothat kore elomelo;


Haat bariye hawar sathe
Sokal belar himel sheetey...

Urbe dhulo, uriye dhulo
Moner konay ichhe gulo;

Khatar vaanje rakhbo likhe
Thonter kone ushnota te;

Urbe dhonwa cha er cup e,
Canvas e te ronger chhaape.

Elomelo shobdora sab,
Hariye jachhe, urchhe bebaak.

Harate chai, notun kore
Abar bochhor koek pore,

Thaakbo aami ei khaane te
Tor mone te, tor smritite;

Tor aami, ar Amar Tui
Rupoli chul e amra dui,

Ichhe Dana melbo sedin
Ramdhonu te fer jhilmil.

Aaj tobe etukui thaak,
Biday bondhu, aasi aaj!

Friday, December 18, 2015

Tor jonno

Tor jonno seeter sokal
College street er bhir,
Tor jonno gorom coffee
Ghaaser Opor shishir.


Tor jonno kobir kolom,
Chokher kajol mascara,
Tor jonno kaaje faanki,
Ushno chhnowar ashkara.

Tor jonno rupkothate
Ghumiye thaake konye,
Amar lekhay hijibiji,
Sudhu tor e jonne.

Wednesday, October 07, 2015

~chol harai~

Jabi?
Amar sathe dikshunnyopur,
Gaite gaite hariye jawar sur?


Bhorbo bag e Chilte khusi
Ek tukro dukhho smriti,
Ektu pagol moti goti.

Vijbo dujon, vijbo bhishon
Ushno thonte, ichhe hoye
Haater Opor haat bariye.

Mon er joto mon-kemon
Asbo rekhe, pother baanke
Hariye jabo, Ichchedanar jhaanke!

Jabi?
Amar sathe sudoor?
Khuje berate,
Dikshunnyopur?

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

~Unborn~

Dear Mom,

I am growing up, everyday, bit by bit.
I am now feeling when you are sad, when happy.
I can hear you talking to papa.
Mom, I can now feel my hands and legs. Here everything is dark, but very comfortable.
When you rub your hand on me from outside, I sleep comfortably. I cannot wait for the day when I will come out and see you. I think you will be happy to see me too. I will be a girl, just like you.

Mom, are you unhappy? I do not feel your hand anymore.
Mom, what are you talking about with papa?
Mom, do you not want me? Do you not want me to see?
Mom, am I causing you so much pain?
Mom, they are sucking me out with high pressure.
Mom!!!! I don't want to leave you!!
Mom!!! Stop this pressure.
Save me!!!
Save me!!!
Mom!!!!!

Unborn....


Friday, July 31, 2015

~saanjhbaati~


Dokhina batas, dhnowar ghran
Rukkho thonte, halka taan.,
Baul, rock ar onubhuti,
Sheeter dupur guti shuti!
Mishti rod ar halka chhnowa
Hothat kore kachhe chawa;
Ushno porosh, govir abesh;
Saanjhbati te roye jabe resh!

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Crimson- tiny tale

Not long ago, the color crimson used to appeal so much to your eyes. My crimson dress, the punishment I got from you, my crimson lipstick, the natural crimson flowing from the corner of my mouth! What happened now, don’t you like crimson anymore? She looked back at the wall again.


“Dissociative personality disorder” The doctor sighed.

Happy birthday, darling. He murmured and left the visiting area.

The crimson rose remained untouched on the table.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Invitation - tiny tale

The wedding invitation remained the only heavy object on table. The sandwiches took ages to reach.


She, ran out of words.
He, time.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Unreal- Tiny Tale

Your little black dress, black kohl n wine red lips told me the end was near.
The ice shattered in the whiskey, and my guts were shattered too!

Unreal, how time flies! Unreal how we move on and meet in a different timezone! Unreal, how the eyes that gave me all the warmth once now gives me chill!!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Ek pashla Brishti

Aaj moner kone hothat kore
Ek poshla brishti;
Akash kalo, uriye dhulo,
Kichu oteeter onasrishti!


Jhoro hawar sporshe hothat
Ankhipollob shranto,
Ek poshla bristi bujhi
Aaj mon bhijiye klanto!

Brishtisnato bikelbelay
Mon aaj meghla nishi;
Tobu, veja mati r brishtir surey 
Tokei valobashi!

Monday, May 04, 2015

when the world shatters!

The shattering sound of the broken glass woke her up! Where was she!! It took her a few seconds to gain back the composer.

The room was illuminated soothingly and she cut his legs from the broken piece of the whiskey glass. She didn't realize when she dozed off and now the room suddenly feels quieter.

The clock struck 2'o clock at night!

She had to change her dress. The rooms seemed empty. She look at the picture of him on the wall. She touched her own belly.

The blade was still shining on the table. Her hand didn't tremble anymore.

The earthquake took everything from her.

Wednesday, April 01, 2015

~aagomoni ~

Tui bolli jhor,
vablam aaj monei uthuk;
Venge dik sobhoyota,
notun shobdo goruk.

achhonno raater bukey,
sobhyotar beej bopon;
tor chokhe juddho joy,
amaar, atmo-somorpon!

Friday, March 13, 2015

~Nodi~


Mapa dukkho, chapa kanna
na bola gopon kichu betha;
Chapa pore roilo nodir niche
amar mritodeher bukey...
aajo royche na bola kotha!

Nodir bukey pa dubiye kokhono
Jodi vabis amaar shei sporso,kotha,
Jodi amar pashe aasis..
shobdeho hoye,
Sedin mrityu bolbe kotha...

Amra harabo na, dheuer sathe
Muchhe jabo na smritir bera jaale...
Ar totodin,
Aami opekkha korbo, nodir kole.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

You- me, and a cup of coffee

She checked herself in the mirror for the last time. Yes, her hair is perfect the backless is giving her curves the perfect aura she wanted. It was a big day for her. She knew what she wanted and she knew why and how. She didn't believe in the Fairytales and for her it was important to be with somebody who can charm her on bed. No she hated certain trilogy but she loved the way Mr. Gray made love with his girl. She knew she was hoping for too much and all she wanted to have little bit of fun.

He checked the fuel indicator in his car. He was fascinated by the idea of making love inside a car. After all, he loved titanic (who doesn't love it)! He checked his pocket to make sure he didn't forget the condoms. He does not want to spoil the fun. 

A lot can happen over coffee, but they both were waiting for the coffee to be over. 

After 3 years-

Getting ready for the wedding, he smiled at himself. He planned his honeymoon trip to the land of romance- Paris. He couldn't thought of starting their journey of togetherness from anywhere else. With the time approaching he felt the happiness and nervousness both inside.

She was busy editing the pictures as her photo exhibition was almost there. She won't get the chance to work in Paris and she does not want to spoil the Honeymoon trip. Last 3 years, she thought was wonderful, full of ups and down and many breakups. Everytime the make up sex was better than the previous one. She didn't realize she was blushing.
She feared that marriage will kill the charm but... Suddenly, it was time to get ready for the wedding, she realized. She smiled! Well, a lot can still happen over coffee she hoped for, so did he!

The Closure



I had to kill you!

Everyday with the growing suffocation I felt like sinking in a deep, dark sea. I had to escape from there. Survival, you see, the toughest thing and I knew I only had one option to choose from.

The day I first got to know about you, I felt a certain tremor inside. I felt the pain in my heart that soon I have to decide. I thought if I try I could love you, but you know all those things they write in books and magazines are fake and no matter I hard I tried I couldn't like you a bit.

Everyday I felt you inside me and everyday my hatred grown bit by bit.
You reminded me of a lot of things that I wanted to forget. 
Your existence was painful for me, my dreams and my wings.
Yes, your existence was like chopping off my wings and I could never accept that.

I wish I could control my anger and frustration towards you. Really?, No, actually I wish for no such things. I never wanted you to be a part of my life and I did not want you to have such a "love-less" life to start with. 

I know you might call me selfish, may be I am. But it is my life, and you would never be able to get the love you need from me. I wanted to free you from that lifelong pain.

You know, I had nobody to reason with, and may be, may be you would understand my reasons...or may be my words sound like meaningless justification to you or may be I am a selfish person looking for some closure with you to get rid of my guilt....may be, may be....

May be some memories are better left locked and thrown away---my unborn child.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The curve on her face...


He saw the taxi and knew he had to hide.
He didn't want her to see him. Even after these many years he still couldn't gather the courage to come in front and fake the smartness.

He saw her black stilettos making sound on the footpath while her manicured hand was busy keeping the highlighted strands of hair away from her eyes. She looked gorgeous.

He knew she would throw a disgusting look to the lift-man for not getting the elevator on time and once she will reach on 17th floor she will not get the door keys at once. He knew he had to reach there before her and he took the back stairs.

He saw someone was keeping the lift busy in one of the floors; he silently opened the door and locked it again from inside. The darkness he found comforting. After all some works can only be done in darkness. He made no sound, he didn't move anything. His hand was feeling heavy but he couldn't leave it anywhere. His job is nearly done and it is just a matter of few minutes now.

He always knew she was different but last few months things went beyond reconciliation. He knew about this trip of hers and he knew what he wanted. Today was the day.

The door clicked…..
BOOM!!! BOOM!!!

The big balloons popped…
The lights turned on…
Happy Birthday Honey!!!!.......


The horror in her eyes suddenly replaced with a warm smile just exactly how he wanted it before piercing the heavy knife through her heart… The smile remained in the lips, horror in her eyes…

Monday, September 22, 2014

Durga Pujo in Kolkata- 5 days of Life :)

When I got this request of writing something on Durgapujo it made me nostalgic as always. They say life changes with time but when it comes to Durgapujo in the City of Joy- nothing really have changed in last couple of decades. Yeah, then I used to hop from one pandal to another holding my Mom’s hand and with family and now there is the loved one and friends but the essence of Kolkata has remained just the same. Junk food, chitchat, new dresses, excitement, pandal hopping and forgetting worries for those five days- this quite sums up the feeling.

Last year I made a promise to myself that no matter what this DurgaPujo I will be there in Kolkata. Checked the calendar by the end of last year and set the reminders so that we could book the tickets successfully for the festival and yes, we are going to city of joy to enjoy the festival of all festivals this year.


When you stay outside of the "city of joy" what you do not get is how involved we feel with the whole festival and not just any one pujo. It is not just pandal hopping or meeting new people but it is something that makes us look forward to those five days. From the poor to the rich everyone feels happy and connected and at the end everyone feel sad to bid adieu the Goddess and her family.

It is not sentimental or foolish of us when some people cry on “Vijaya Dasami”, it just shows how much they loved these few days and how much they look forward to this festival.


DurgaPuja is the extravagant festival but in other sense it is the epitome of “Hope”.

It is easy to criticize it by calling it extravaganza or pandal hopping but it is not really tough to feel the essence inside. All you need is to open up your heart a bit.

The bhog, the sound of dhak, the late night pandal hopping, the junkfood, balloons, and lighting- everything makes Durgapuja a magical affair. Outside Kolkata in many places Durgapuja happens but there the essence is often missing. It is not dancing and singing that makes this festival so special but the feeling of joy that makes us laugh and cry both. It is not how many new dresses we have but how many moments of happiness we get in the end.

It is about eating bhog with everyone, sharing a few moments of laugh with everyone and just feeling happy from inside.


Do you feel irritated of crowd? Let me ask you a question aren't you a part of the crowd? Crowd is made of people like you and me and the fun is there when you just feel how everyone is happy about the festival. You don’t know them while standing in the crowded street but you overhear a few lines and realize how they reflect your feelings.


You think Kolkata DurgaPujo is all about pandal hopping? Then you just do not get it and can never get it. It is about the madness in Maddox square and the different colors of the coconut trees and asking friends to come there and have long chit chat sessions. It is about meeting new people and making new friends without being judgmental or shrewd. It is about giving the street children a few extra rupees so that they can also feel a moment of happiness.


It is just five days, short lived but long enough to spur some hope inside everyone to look forward to something.
Close your eyes, feel the smell in the air- can you? Yes, that is the smell of DurgaPuja we all have grown up with and away from the city of joy that is the smell I sometimes miss amidst the concrete jungle.



5 days of hope...
5 days of fun...
5 days of life...


Dear Goddess- we are coming home :)

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

The Book Bucket!!!

There are many benefits of being the only child of a nuclear family. But this post is not about that. This post is about the 10 books that has changed your views or somehow made you a better person or have simply leaved some impact on you.

I remember my Mom was a bookaholic and even before I could learn reading she used to take me to "JayKrishna Library" children section to read out the stories. I remember everyday she used to tell me couple of stories to make me eat my lunch and dinner. Then there came a time when I couldn't resist my urge to read and know more stories and I finally started reading. I used to spell out every word and read (was barely 3 or 3.5 yrs old). My dad used to bring me storybooks often and then oneday unknowingly they became my first love.

Over the years hundreds of books I have read and it is impossible to make a list of just 10 books that had any impact on me. However, I am going to give it a try-

1. The Millenium Trilogy by Steig Larsson- Read it a few years back and I was awestruck. This trilogy was an experience itself. It shows be it the antagonist or the protagonist we all have that grey strike in us. What storytelling!!! Absolutely Masterclass.

2. Na Hanyate- A Bengali book and the narrative is magical. Well, apart from the narrative it somehow made me realize that to get something I need to fight. It made me realize it is too easy to give in but the fun is in the fight and not to give in.

3. Escape from camp 14- The only book that has shaken me from inside. The brutal and real story of the North Korean prisoners is disturbing yet brilliant.

4. The Alchemy of Desire- The best descriptive book I have ever read. It's beautiful, erotic and strangely romantic.

5. Biswasghatak- Another bengali masterpiece. No words can described the beauty of this novel. Passion, betrayal, love, politics and everything else is there and this book is more than just brilliant.

6. Harry Potter Series- I am a Potter Maniac. Period.

7. His dark materials by Philip Pullman- Another awesome series. This series is not for the kids for sure. This trilogy took me to many worlds and it was absolutely great reading it.

8. The City of Djinns - Willam Dalrymple is a magician of words. He made me fall in love with Delhi.when too many things were going on in mind before coming to the Indian capital, this book helped me to embrace the city.

9. Notes on a scandal- Joe Heller- Exactly how complex a person's mind can be. To know it you must read this book.

10. Notes to myself by Hugh Prather- This book has been my soulmate for many years. It seemed that whatever problem I had I can find a solution in this book. Amazing read.

So, Here are the 10 books/series. Books bring you to a different world, a saner world I think and I want to live in that world forever.

Friday, September 05, 2014

It's a Wonderful Life



He looked at the table and again he did not like the set up.
This was the 5th time and he still did not like any bit of it. It is just half an hour to 9 and he looked flustered.

He knew he had to say this on that night and that is why the setup needs to be just perfect.

Half an hour later everything was perfect. The peppy and foot tapping movie songs in his phone speaker, the black table cloth with the red rose and red wine perfectly placed upon... she couldn't ask for more.

He saw the sparkle in her eyes again and the blush even her beautiful hair couldn't hide the blush on her cheek. He loved to just look at her.

She felt the Goosebumps again and her hands started trembling. She couldn't believe somebody could make such great arrangement for her, JUST FOR HER!

He knew the perfect moment was it. He looked in her eyes and read what was written there.
The kiss was tender, rough, gentle, lousy and Passionate.

She looked at him, gasping.
He looked at her, thinking.

Was the passion lost? Did they really lost it amidst of all achievements and expectations? Did they really lost it before that moment?

The song changed in the mobile playlist as if to remind him the next step…

Going down on the knees ….to ask her to be with her for the lifetime…
Her wrinkled hand trembled… The big diamond shone in her hand…

He just whispered…  “Happy 35th anniversary Sweetheart…” 

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

Humanity- Lost


She died and he couldn't do anything.

He was thrown away from the shared cab with broken ribs and twisted hands. She was thrown with a lifeless body with no strings.

They saw but they had to use their mobile, to show the face of the society so they clicked them- the assaulted boy and the raped girl.
He wanted to cover her- they asked him who is she your girlfriend or Sister?
They wanted to know how did they rape her or was she gang raped?
He lost his senses.

Later he read  -"how a boyfriend fought to save her girlfriend and got assaulted".

1 Month later- He saw them in front of India Gate in a candlelight march.

He still couldn't say the truth that he didn't knew that girl.
He couldn't say he just wanted to save her.

He couldn't say they were just strangers- two “Human beings”.


Monday, August 11, 2014

Death of a soul



The second slap was harder…
The faceless monster got the face.


She wanted to cry hard. She wanted to shout but she couldn't… She didn't.
Pinned on the table she looked at the ceiling and craved for an earthquake. But not all wishes come true. She wished for the ceiling to come crashing down and that didn't happen either. The ravaging continued for some more time till she lost her consciousness. She couldn't see beneath the mask.

She did not want to die, so she chose his filthy touch instead of the sharp knife. She lived, her soul died…

It was 3 years back………She was a "rape victim"...the rapist was unidentified and henceforth was another common man...

3 days back-
Like many others marriage was the dream in her eyes too...
His touch made her shivered.
She choked with the force he entered into her.
She wanted to feel ecstatic....but

She suddenly realized why her being a rape victim didn't matter to her husband….

The two slaps on his cheek couldn't erase her pain and trauma….
She knew she had to go...

She cannot live her whole life with her "Rapist"





Wednesday, August 06, 2014

The other side....


-Who are you?

-They call me the Angle of Death

-But you are so Beautiful! How could you be death!

- That is because you are at the verge of the other side...  Do you feel any pain?

- I am just feeling a supersonic sound. Actually I am not feeling anything... What is the other side?

- You will see soon when you will be there... From your side your emotions make the other side look dark..  But that is not how it is... And I am here to take you out.

- Am I dead?!!! Is this how it feels? Is this the other side??? 

- You are still alive... At the verge of the other side...  you will see that soon …

-How does it feel? Like a Boom!!

- Nah, no boom...  just a click... May be... 

- Just a click? That’s it? Wouldn’t I feel any pain? Wouldn’t I be able to see my family? My daughter????? Have you seen her ?  She must be there outside.

-I don’t see things I have no work with

-But.. but she is my daughter and..

-And it won’t matter…nothing will matter at the other side. ..

- Not even my daughter? My family? I won’t matter to them?

- No idea, but they won’t matter to you anymore there..you won’t see them, you won’t miss them.. you won’t have the solidify state for that..

- But I want to matter, because they matter….and….and I feel light…lighter… where am I?

- You are now stepping at the other side…you are out of your body now. It is time for you to come with me. . I told you nothing will matter here…

- But I didn’t hear any “Click”..and I want to see all the last time…it is so cold, cloudy…as if…


-As if you are far away among the clouds…yes, you are…and see they didn't matter…they don’t matter… not anymore….welcome to the other side....  

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

RIP Humanity


I don't really post on current affairs and political news. But this time I am making an exception. 

Few days back I saw somebody posted on Facebook that people are so bothered with Gaza that they forgot about “Kargil Day”. I couldn’t agree with it. As far as I can remember I was in 8th standard when Kargil war happened. It was terrible and even though any social networking sites weren't there we were all updated through the news channels and news papers.
However, we can let it rest in peace and in the past now.
On other hand, any war is the excuse of mass murder. Be it in Israel, Palestine, India, and Afghanistan or in any country.
Water, border, rights of the refugees- it seems Israel and Palestine have decided to not to agree on peace at all.
The only power plant was hit yesterday by shelling.
The pictures are all over the internet.
They are scary…
They make me believe that humanity is truly lost...
By the name of self defense what is happening there can be named as Mass Murder. I am sorry if I can find out any other term right now.


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

When the sea came roaring...



The storm outside her window was becoming ferocious. A storm was going on inside her heart too. She tried to concentrate on the book but the words started jumbling up in front of her eyes. She gulped down the remaining whiskey from the glass and decided to go out in the balcony. She wanted to feel the roars of the wind and to forget everything for some time.

She always wanted to be a free soul. She always wanted to be detached from everything and everyone. Exploring the world like a traveler was all she wanted and till now she was doing just that!!

It was a stormy night when she decided to end it all and choose her life. His broken heart, the sparkling diamond ring on the floor and the unborn love child that never came into the world- She left everything behind and never looked behind. It's been 15 years.

His touch was still same as was his smell. They made wild love to erase the 15 years from between them. It was then his crooked smile and voice that told her that he has AIDS!! And that his revenge was taken.

She felt her wings chopped off.   

His body was then lying in the hotel room in a pool of blood when the siren started blowing.
She looked at the rising sea level. It looked like thousands of octopuses were coming to get everything at the shore.

Somewhere the next day The Breaking news said-


“The terrible Tsunami washed away everything in the small island. Thousands died in the shore, houses and hotels. Thousands others not found yet.”

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

The "Fallen"


She ignored the bruises on her face. The brunches were making more. She knew those bruises are nothing compared to what she was running from. She had to run for her life.

Darkness has its own characteristics. Even though she always feared darkness that night it was her only friend. She was running from the light.

She never realized that her “God” could be this cruel. She always believed in God. She thought God spreads love and love can never be wrong. Nobody told her to not to love outside her religion.

She heard how they torn apart the clothes from her sister’s body while she was going to school. She still had faith on her God.

And then the shining dagger took the life away from her beloved. She could not cry; she had to run.
She had to save the child. The child she was carrying inside her womb…

The dawn was near....so was the crowd behind her...

She still had faith in her God…

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

From Spring to Ashes



The night was growing old and her eyes were still wide open. The kohl is now smudged and the red lipstick is no more there. The calling bell never rang.

She waited till it was dawn and then she slept there.

It was raining that night. The champagne worked on him. His eyes all over her and the sparkle in his eyes was enough for her to take the next step. However, the restaurant was really not the place.
They kissed in the rain. Inside the cab they cared for no one. The cab driver looked in the mirror many times but they did not care.
His hand all over her, the warmth breath of his on her nape and the sensation all over her body- they craved for more and more.

She did not want it that day. It was late and the weather was bad. She thought of making it special. When he wanted to come in, she stopped him there. The next night she thought would be perfect.
Virginity was sacred and she wanted to wait for the right person and right moment to lose it to.

The right moment never came….
She was in his thought, when the high beam of the opposite truck made him blind. He felt nothing afterwards…..
It’s been 2 yrs! She is still waiting…
Wearing makeup, lighting candles…


The calling bell never rang!!






Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Poison Ivy


He looked back at the crossroad through the car window. He never really thought he has to cross this path in his life and now when he did, he is feeling numb.

The scent of women, the silky smooth skin has always been his drug. He always felt better and energized after playing with a young women’s body. It was his driving force.  Even at this age he felt proud of his body and how he still excites the girls who are half age of his.

The red light is still on and the huge traffic jam in front strangely didn’t disturb him anymore. He has all the time now.

He thought about last night. Her silky smooth brown skin and black shoulder length hair made her look like a goddess. With every thrust he could see her pain and yet she didn’t give in. She urged for more and more. He became a demon and ravaged her. Her magical scent drove him crazy. Her kohl smudged eyes took him to another world altogether. All these years he almost forgot that animal inside him still exists.

The light turned yellow. With that growing and burning chest pain he looked at the photograph and the note behind again.

It was her photograph with her mother that she intentionally left behind.
The photograph shocked him.


He knew her mother!!!!!!!!!!!

Many years back, they knew each other… "well”. The scent of her body once drove him nuts. Her eyes once took him to another world. A few nights of togetherness and a few nights of wild lovemaking is all he could remember.

A line was written on the backside of the photo.

“Happy Father's Day Dad. Hope you liked the gift last night”


With the growing pain on chest, his world suddenly went Black. The traffic light has turned Green now.


Thursday, June 05, 2014

Are you Connected?


Technology was supposed to bring us all closer.
Well, I have 400+ friends on facebook- if you can call that coming closer to so many people at once.
I keep updating my status on facebook multiple times in a day.
I love sharing pictures on Instagram. I love talking non stop on Twitter.
However, still at the end of the day I sometimes feel lonely.
And when I wonder- I find out, that I am not really getting closer to most people.
There is a void I sometimes feel inside.
But then, staying away from home, staying away from friends- You need a medium to be in touch always.
I am always connected with people via whatsapp, Facebook or Twitter using my phone and Tab.
Few days back I was checking a new tablet.
I just realized- it is the obsession of staying connected that drives me
I realized it is the obsession to know about the news and what’s happening around the world-
I realized it is the obsession to find myself in the cyber world that drives me…
May be it is not bringing people closer really…
But Virtually it is…
I am happy with that…
I am happy with the tech savvy tag that I got.


Wings of Life...



Late nights, beer, music, success, sex, gossip…
He was getting bored of everything…
All of it…
Faces started to becoming unknown to him.
The masks are now falling off.
He was tired of fighting.
With himself.
With his parents.
With his wife.
He was scared.
He was scared of society.
He was scared of future.
He was scared of humiliation.
He felt trapped.
Forever.
The "lady" inside him was crying.
His couldn't let it come out.

The downfall from the 17th floor suddenly seemed the only solution to him….

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Wednesday, June 04, 2014

~Lady in Black~


She could see them…
Making love and cozying up in each other’s arms.
Little did they know about the future and they did not worry.
She took a step forward.
Her black lacy dress felt like black clouds.
She saw their little puppy playing with the colorful ball.
She felt pity.
Pity isn't really her nature.
They looked through her.
Her fingers clenched.
Her eyes twinkled.
The puppy started barking.
The couple left the bed to see outside.
She knew this is the time…
She felt pity for the puppy.
But it is not the ideal time…
She has more important work to do…

Kill…


Her name is “Death”….

Monday, May 19, 2014

The unconscious!














What kind of a room is this??
I cannot see any door…
I do not even remember how have I ended here!!

Where is it??
Am I dead?
What happened to me??

The dim blue light is making me sick!
There is a small round table in the middle.
With a teapot and cup. Black.

Should I drink it?
I am thirsty.
I might already be dead!

Dead!!
Dead!!!
Am I??

NOO, I can’t be…
Let’s drink it…
There was a cricking sound I can hear…Some movement in front of me…

There is someone!!! No, Some people…
Aahhhh….ME!! all of them are me!!
I must be losing my sanity, these are just mirrors!!

Why am I in a mirrored room!!
I think the tea would make me feel good.
Am I dreaming!!!

How all my shadows are walking, dancing and looking at me??!!
I feel somebody!
Somebody behind!!

WHAT'S HAPPE…………………………………………!!!!

Friday, May 09, 2014

D.I.A.R.Y- Dear I’ll Always Remember You




You!!

Right in front of me!!
From the long lost memories!!!
The pages were burnt!!
The pages that I took the pain to burn off!!
The pages that were lost!!!


You!!
My diary!!
18!!!
The age to be vulnerable!!
The age to be immature!!
The age to love!!
The age to get the heart broken!!
Yes, 18!!!
I poured my heart out in you.
I cried in front of you!
I conspired with you!!

You saw…
You listened!!
You saw me killing myself!!
You said nothing!!
You were my secret!!
My sweet little secret!!
You were my friend!!
My trusted friend!!

And then you are right here in front of me!!
After so many years!!
Black, maroon, green and red!!
The pages, the secrets, the tears!!
Time to burn them all again!!
Bury them with all the words, hidden inside.
My Diary-
Dear I’ll Always Remember You!



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