~Unborn~

Dear Mom,

I am growing up, everyday, bit by bit.
I am now feeling when you are sad, when happy.
I can hear you talking to papa.
Mom, I can now feel my hands and legs. Here everything is dark, but very comfortable.
When you rub your hand on me from outside, I sleep comfortably. I cannot wait for the day when I will come out and see you. I think you will be happy to see me too. I will be a girl, just like you.

Mom, are you unhappy? I do not feel your hand anymore.
Mom, what are you talking about with papa?
Mom, do you not want me? Do you not want me to see?
Mom, am I causing you so much pain?
Mom, they are sucking me out with high pressure.
Mom!!!! I don't want to leave you!!
Mom!!! Stop this pressure.
Save me!!!
Save me!!!
Mom!!!!!

Unborn....

Crimson- tiny tale

Not long ago, the color crimson used to appeal so much to your eyes. My crimson dress, the punishment I got from you, my crimson lipstick, the natural crimson flowing from the corner of my mouth! What happened now, don’t you like crimson anymore? She looked back at the wall again.

“Dissociative personality disorder” The doctor sighed.

Happy birthday, darling. He murmured and left the visiting area.

The crimson rose remained untouched on the table.

Invitation - tiny tale

The wedding invitation remained the only heavy object on table. The sandwiches took ages to reach.

She, ran out of words.
He, time.

Unreal- Tiny Tale

Your little black dress, black kohl n wine red lips told me the end was near.
The ice shattered in the whiskey, and my guts were shattered too!

Unreal, how time flies! Unreal how we move on and meet in a different timezone! Unreal, how the eyes that gave me all the warmth once now gives me chill!!

when the world shatters!

The shattering sound of the broken glass woke her up! Where was she!! It took her a few seconds to gain back the composer.

The room was illuminated soothingly and she cut his legs from the broken piece of the whiskey glass. She didn't realize when she dozed off and now the room suddenly feels quieter.

The clock struck 2'o clock at night!

She had to change her dress. The rooms seemed empty. She look at the picture of him on the wall. She touched her own belly.

The blade was still shining on the table. Her hand didn't tremble anymore.

The earthquake took everything from her.

~aagomoni ~

Tui bolli jhor,
vablam aaj monei uthuk;
Venge dik sobhoyota,
notun shobdo goruk.

achhonno raater bukey,
sobhyotar beej bopon;
tor chokhe juddho joy,
amaar, atmo-somorpon!

You- me, and a cup of coffee

She checked herself in the mirror for the last time. Yes, her hair is perfect the backless is giving her curves the perfect aura she wanted. It was a big day for her. She knew what she wanted and she knew why and how. She didn't believe in the Fairytales and for her it was important to be with somebody who can charm her on bed. No she hated certain trilogy but she loved the way Mr. Gray made love with his girl. She knew she was hoping for too much and all she wanted to have little bit of fun.

He checked the fuel indicator in his car. He was fascinated by the idea of making love inside a car. After all, he loved titanic (who doesn't love it)! He checked his pocket to make sure he didn't forget the condoms. He does not want to spoil the fun. 

A lot can happen over coffee, but they both were waiting for the coffee to be over. 

After 3 years-

Getting ready for the wedding, he smiled at himself. He planned his honeymoon trip to the land of romance- Paris. He couldn't thought of starting their journey of togetherness from anywhere else. With the time approaching he felt the happiness and nervousness both inside.

She was busy editing the pictures as her photo exhibition was almost there. She won't get the chance to work in Paris and she does not want to spoil the Honeymoon trip. Last 3 years, she thought was wonderful, full of ups and down and many breakups. Everytime the make up sex was better than the previous one. She didn't realize she was blushing.
She feared that marriage will kill the charm but... Suddenly, it was time to get ready for the wedding, she realized. She smiled! Well, a lot can still happen over coffee she hoped for, so did he!

The Closure

I had to kill you!

Everyday with the growing suffocation I felt like sinking in a deep, dark sea. I had to escape from there. Survival, you see, the toughest thing and I knew I only had one option to choose from.

The day I first got to know about you, I felt a certain tremor inside. I felt the pain in my heart that soon I have to decide. I thought if I try I could love you, but you know all those things they write in books and magazines are fake and no matter I hard I tried I couldn't like you a bit.

Everyday I felt you inside me and everyday my hatred grown bit by bit.

You reminded me of a lot of things that I wanted to forget. 

Your existence was painful for me, my dreams and my wings.

Yes, your existence was like chopping off my wings and I could never accept that.

I wish I could control my anger and frustration towards you. Really?, No, actually I wish for no such things. I never wanted you to be a part of my life and I did not want you to have such a "love-less" life to start with. 

I know you might call me selfish, may be I am. But it is my life, and you would never be able to get the love you need from me. I wanted to free you from that lifelong pain.

You know, I had nobody to reason with, and may be, may be you would understand my reasons...or may be my words sound like meaningless justification to you or may be I am a selfish person looking for some closure with you to get rid of my guilt....may be, may be....

May be some memories are better left locked and thrown away---my unborn child.

The curve on her face...

He saw the taxi and knew he had to hide.

He didn't want her to see him. Even after these many years he still couldn't gather the courage to come in front and fake the smartness.

He saw her black stilettos making sound on the footpath while her manicured hand was busy keeping the highlighted strands of hair away from her eyes. She looked gorgeous.

He knew she would throw a disgusting look to the lift-man for not getting the elevator on time and once she will reach on 17^th floor she will not get the door keys at once. He knew he had to reach there before her and he took the back stairs.

He saw someone was keeping the lift busy in one of the floors; he silently opened the door and locked it again from inside. The darkness he found comforting. After all some works can only be done in darkness. He made no sound, he didn't move anything. His hand was feeling heavy but he couldn't leave it anywhere. His job is nearly done and it is just a matter of few minutes now.

He always knew she was different but last few months things went beyond reconciliation. He knew about this trip of hers and he knew what he wanted. Today was the day.

The door clicked…..

BOOM!!! BOOM!!!

The big balloons popped…

The lights turned on…

Happy Birthday Honey!!!!.......

The horror in her eyes suddenly replaced with a warm smile just exactly how he wanted it before piercing the heavy knife through her heart… The smile remained in the lips, horror in her eyes…

Durga Pujo in Kolkata- 5 days of Life :)

When I got this request of writing something on Durgapujo it made me nostalgic as always. They say life changes with time but when it comes to Durgapujo in the City of Joy- nothing really have changed in last couple of decades. Yeah, then I used to hop from one pandal to another holding my Mom’s hand and with family and now there is the loved one and friends but the essence of Kolkata has remained just the same. Junk food, chitchat, new dresses, excitement, pandal hopping and forgetting worries for those five days- this quite sums up the feeling.

Last year I made a promise to myself that no matter what this DurgaPujo I will be there in Kolkata. Checked the calendar by the end of last year and set the reminders so that we could book the tickets successfully for the festival and yes, we are going to city of joy to enjoy the festival of all festivals this year.

When you stay outside of the "city of joy" what you do not get is how involved we feel with the whole festival and not just any one pujo. It is not just pandal hopping or meeting new people but it is something that makes us look forward to those five days. From the poor to the rich everyone feels happy and connected and at the end everyone feel sad to bid adieu the Goddess and her family.

It is not sentimental or foolish of us when some people cry on “Vijaya Dasami”, it just shows how much they loved these few days and how much they look forward to this festival.

DurgaPuja is the extravagant festival but in other sense it is the epitome of “Hope”.

It is easy to criticize it by calling it extravaganza or pandal hopping but it is not really tough to feel the essence inside. All you need is to open up your heart a bit.

The bhog, the sound of dhak, the late night pandal hopping, the junkfood, balloons, and lighting- everything makes Durgapuja a magical affair. Outside Kolkata in many places Durgapuja happens but there the essence is often missing. It is not dancing and singing that makes this festival so special but the feeling of joy that makes us laugh and cry both. It is not how many new dresses we have but how many moments of happiness we get in the end.

It is about eating bhog with everyone, sharing a few moments of laugh with everyone and just feeling happy from inside.

Do you feel irritated of crowd? Let me ask you a question aren't you a part of the crowd? Crowd is made of people like you and me and the fun is there when you just feel how everyone is happy about the festival. You don’t know them while standing in the crowded street but you overhear a few lines and realize how they reflect your feelings.

You think Kolkata DurgaPujo is all about pandal hopping? Then you just do not get it and can never get it. It is about the madness in Maddox square and the different colors of the coconut trees and asking friends to come there and have long chit chat sessions. It is about meeting new people and making new friends without being judgmental or shrewd. It is about giving the street children a few extra rupees so that they can also feel a moment of happiness.

It is just five days, short lived but long enough to spur some hope inside everyone to look forward to something.

Close your eyes, feel the smell in the air- can you? Yes, that is the smell of DurgaPuja we all have grown up with and away from the city of joy that is the smell I sometimes miss amidst the concrete jungle.

5 days of hope...

5 days of fun...

5 days of life...

Dear Goddess- we are coming home :)

It's a Wonderful Life

He looked at the table and again he did not like the set up.

This was the 5^th time and he still did not like any bit of it. It is just half an hour to 9 and he looked flustered.

He knew he had to say this on that night and that is why the setup needs to be just perfect.

Half an hour later everything was perfect. The peppy and foot tapping movie songs in his phone speaker, the black table cloth with the red rose and red wine perfectly placed upon... she couldn't ask for more.

He saw the sparkle in her eyes again and the blush even her beautiful hair couldn't hide the blush on her cheek. He loved to just look at her.

She felt the Goosebumps again and her hands started trembling. She couldn't believe somebody could make such great arrangement for her, JUST FOR HER!

He knew the perfect moment was it. He looked in her eyes and read what was written there.

The kiss was tender, rough, gentle, lousy and Passionate.

She looked at him, gasping.

He looked at her, thinking.

Was the passion lost? Did they really lost it amidst of all achievements and expectations? Did they really lost it before that moment?

The song changed in the mobile playlist as if to remind him the next step…

Going down on the knees ….to ask her to be with her for the lifetime…

Her wrinkled hand trembled… The big diamond shone in her hand…

He just whispered…  “Happy 35^th anniversary Sweetheart…” 

Humanity- Lost

She died and he couldn't do anything.

He was thrown away from the shared cab with broken ribs and twisted hands. She was thrown with a lifeless body with no strings.

They saw but they had to use their mobile, to show the face of the society so they clicked them- the assaulted boy and the raped girl.

He wanted to cover her- they asked him who is she your girlfriend or Sister?

They wanted to know how did they rape her or was she gang raped?

He lost his senses.

Later he read  -"how a boyfriend fought to save her girlfriend and got assaulted".

1 Month later- He saw them in front of India Gate in a candlelight march.

He still couldn't say the truth that he didn't knew that girl.

He couldn't say he just wanted to save her.

He couldn't say they were just strangers- two “Human beings”.

Death of a soul

The second slap was harder…

The faceless monster got the face.

She wanted to cry hard. She wanted to shout but she couldn't… She didn't.

Pinned on the table she looked at the ceiling and craved for an earthquake. But not all wishes come true. She wished for the ceiling to come crashing down and that didn't happen either. The ravaging continued for some more time till she lost her consciousness. She couldn't see beneath the mask.

She did not want to die, so she chose his filthy touch instead of the sharp knife. She lived, her soul died…

It was 3 years back………She was a "rape victim"...the rapist was unidentified and henceforth was another common man...

3 days back-

Like many others marriage was the dream in her eyes too...

His touch made her shivered.

She choked with the force he entered into her.

She wanted to feel ecstatic....but

She suddenly realized why her being a rape victim didn't matter to her husband….

The two slaps on his cheek couldn't erase her pain and trauma….

She knew she had to go...

She cannot live her whole life with her "Rapist"…

The other side....

-Who are you?

-They call me the Angle of Death

-But you are so Beautiful! How could you be death!

- That is because you are at the verge of the other side...  Do you feel any pain?

- I am just feeling a supersonic sound. Actually I am not feeling anything... What is the other side?

- You will see soon when you will be there... From your side your emotions make the other side look dark..  But that is not how it is... And I am here to take you out.

- Am I dead?!!! Is this how it feels? Is this the other side??? 

- You are still alive... At the verge of the other side...  you will see that soon …

-How does it feel? Like a Boom!!

- Nah, no boom...  just a click... May be... 

- Just a click? That’s it? Wouldn’t I feel any pain? Wouldn’t I be able to see my family? My daughter????? Have you seen her ?  She must be there outside.

-I don’t see things I have no work with

-But.. but she is my daughter and..

-And it won’t matter…nothing will matter at the other side. ..

- Not even my daughter? My family? I won’t matter to them?

- No idea, but they won’t matter to you anymore there..you won’t see them, you won’t miss them.. you won’t have the solidify state for that..

- But I want to matter, because they matter….and….and I feel light…lighter… where am I?

- You are now stepping at the other side…you are out of your body now. It is time for you to come with me. . I told you nothing will matter here…

- But I didn’t hear any “Click”..and I want to see all the last time…it is so cold, cloudy…as if…

-As if you are far away among the clouds…yes, you are…and see they didn't matter…they don’t matter… not anymore….welcome to the other side....  

RIP Humanity

I don't really post on current affairs and political news. But this time I am making an exception. 

Few days back I saw somebody posted on Facebook that people are so bothered with Gaza that they forgot about “Kargil Day”. I couldn’t agree with it. As far as I can remember I was in 8^th standard when Kargil war happened. It was terrible and even though any social networking sites weren't there we were all updated through the news channels and news papers.

However, we can let it rest in peace and in the past now.

On other hand, any war is the excuse of mass murder. Be it in Israel, Palestine, India, and Afghanistan or in any country.

Water, border, rights of the refugees- it seems Israel and Palestine have decided to not to agree on peace at all.

The only power plant was hit yesterday by shelling.

The pictures are all over the internet.

They are scary…

They make me believe that humanity is truly lost...

By the name of self defense what is happening there can be named as Mass Murder. I am sorry if I can find out any other term right now.

When the sea came roaring...

The storm outside her window was becoming ferocious. A storm was going on inside her heart too. She tried to concentrate on the book but the words started jumbling up in front of her eyes. She gulped down the remaining whiskey from the glass and decided to go out in the balcony. She wanted to feel the roars of the wind and to forget everything for some time.

She always wanted to be a free soul. She always wanted to be detached from everything and everyone. Exploring the world like a traveler was all she wanted and till now she was doing just that!!

It was a stormy night when she decided to end it all and choose her life. His broken heart, the sparkling diamond ring on the floor and the unborn love child that never came into the world- She left everything behind and never looked behind. It's been 15 years.

His touch was still same as was his smell. They made wild love to erase the 15 years from between them. It was then his crooked smile and voice that told her that he has AIDS!! And that his revenge was taken.

She felt her wings chopped off.   

His body was then lying in the hotel room in a pool of blood when the siren started blowing.

She looked at the rising sea level. It looked like thousands of octopuses were coming to get everything at the shore.

Somewhere the next day The Breaking news said-

“The terrible Tsunami washed away everything in the small island. Thousands died in the shore, houses and hotels. Thousands others not found yet.”

The "Fallen"

She ignored the bruises on her face. The brunches were making more. She knew those bruises are nothing compared to what she was running from. She had to run for her life.

Darkness has its own characteristics. Even though she always feared darkness that night it was her only friend. She was running from the light.

She never realized that her “God” could be this cruel. She always believed in God. She thought God spreads love and love can never be wrong. Nobody told her to not to love outside her religion.

She heard how they torn apart the clothes from her sister’s body while she was going to school. She still had faith on her God.

And then the shining dagger took the life away from her beloved. She could not cry; she had to run.

She had to save the child. The child she was carrying inside her womb…

The dawn was near....so was the crowd behind her...

She still had faith in her God…

From Spring to Ashes

The night was growing old and her eyes were still wide open. The kohl is now smudged and the red lipstick is no more there. The calling bell never rang.

She waited till it was dawn and then she slept there.

It was raining that night. The champagne worked on him. His eyes all over her and the sparkle in his eyes was enough for her to take the next step. However, the restaurant was really not the place.

They kissed in the rain. Inside the cab they cared for no one. The cab driver looked in the mirror many times but they did not care.

His hand all over her, the warmth breath of his on her nape and the sensation all over her body- they craved for more and more.

She did not want it that day. It was late and the weather was bad. She thought of making it special. When he wanted to come in, she stopped him there. The next night she thought would be perfect.

Virginity was sacred and she wanted to wait for the right person and right moment to lose it to.

The right moment never came….

She was in his thought, when the high beam of the opposite truck made him blind. He felt nothing afterwards…..

It’s been 2 yrs! She is still waiting…

Wearing makeup, lighting candles…

The calling bell never rang!!

Poison Ivy

He looked back at the crossroad through the car window. He never really thought he has to cross this path in his life and now when he did, he is feeling numb.

The scent of women, the silky smooth skin has always been his drug. He always felt better and energized after playing with a young women’s body. It was his driving force.  Even at this age he felt proud of his body and how he still excites the girls who are half age of his.

The red light is still on and the huge traffic jam in front strangely didn’t disturb him anymore. He has all the time now.

He thought about last night. Her silky smooth brown skin and black shoulder length hair made her look like a goddess. With every thrust he could see her pain and yet she didn’t give in. She urged for more and more. He became a demon and ravaged her. Her magical scent drove him crazy. Her kohl smudged eyes took him to another world altogether. All these years he almost forgot that animal inside him still exists.

The light turned yellow. With that growing and burning chest pain he looked at the photograph and the note behind again.

It was her photograph with her mother that she intentionally left behind.

The photograph shocked him.

He knew her mother!!!!!!!!!!!

Many years back, they knew each other… "well”. The scent of her body once drove him nuts. Her eyes once took him to another world. A few nights of togetherness and a few nights of wild lovemaking is all he could remember.

A line was written on the backside of the photo.

“Happy Father's Day Dad. Hope you liked the gift last night”

With the growing pain on chest, his world suddenly went Black. The traffic light has turned Green now.

Are you Connected?

Technology was supposed to bring us all closer.

Well, I have 400+ friends on facebook- if you can call that coming closer to so many people at once.

I keep updating my status on facebook multiple times in a day.

I love sharing pictures on Instagram. I love talking non stop on Twitter.

However, still at the end of the day I sometimes feel lonely.

And when I wonder- I find out, that I am not really getting closer to most people.

There is a void I sometimes feel inside.

But then, staying away from home, staying away from friends- You need a medium to be in touch always.

I am always connected with people via whatsapp, Facebook or Twitter using my phone and Tab.

Few days back I was checking a new tablet.

I just realized- it is the obsession of staying connected that drives me

I realized it is the obsession to know about the news and what’s happening around the world-

I realized it is the obsession to find myself in the cyber world that drives me…

May be it is not bringing people closer really…

But Virtually it is…

I am happy with that…

I am happy with the tech savvy tag that I got.