Backside...

Leaving the country was tough… he thought!

He couldn't stop frowning…4 yrs back he felt sad of leaving…

Now, he felt like an outsider…

The sweaty feel, the bumpy road, the cacophony and everything in the public bus was testing his patience…

The laptop bag was slipping from his shoulder again with another jerk and he decided to leave the midway and take a cab….

The journey from the middle of the bus to the doorway seemed never ending!

He was swearing silently just when he saw her….

He knew that floral print…

He knew that curly hair…

He knew…he felt he just knew.

He stopped!!

He watched her from behind, talking over the phone…

He heard her saying his name to somebody…

HIS NAME!!! What the…….

He took a step forward…and another one…

She got up, managing her floral kurta…

And he saw her face!!

It wasn’t her…

He took the step back…and smiled!!

It was never her…

Not now, not 4 yrs back…never…ever…
That known pang in the chest...But....

With that pang in the heart…the crowded bus suddenly felt comfortable…

Side effects of being a "She"

She was raped!!!

Multiple times- every day…

Nobody was there to listen…

Nobody was there to even complain…

Every day- every night- she stared

She stared to the ceiling…While her body felt the touch of another person

Touching her privates, pinching her, slapping her…

Her tears dried up…

Her clenched fist got harder on the bed sheet…

Her soul screamed!!

Her soul died a thousand times each time the other person entered her…rocked her…

She wanted to finish her studies…

She couldn’t…

And today she couldn’t take it more…

She ran away….

Just…to be gang raped!!

Her fault?? – She was born with vagina and boobs….

She is a “Girl”…

And she was also a Prostitute….

So, she shouldn't have any privacy of her…

She was not a girl…

She was a Prostitute….

Just a Prostitute…

Places to go before I sleep...

Say we were in Paris, in a smoky café.

 Loud music playing in the background, and a sexy singer on the stage.

You are sipping your whiskey and I am my red wine.
The red one shoulder dress of mine is similar to the color of the wine.
My red lipstick and smoky eyes are looking at you.

We are sitting just at the opposite of each other, I changed my legs. More skin show.

You opted for another peg.
Are you looking at my legs now?

My deep neck and my red lipsticks- they are looking for your attention…

Are we talking less, we should talk more then…

I hold your hand that was placed on the table…

“Let’s go out, let’s take a walk and enjoy the beauty of Seine…. Will you?”

The dream came to a sudden halt with a jerk…ouch…

Ohh, where are we??

It looks like Rio de Janeiro!!!

“girl, we are not in Paris, We are in Brazil!!

This is Copacabana beach, and the way you are getting sun tanned I want to make love to you now!"
But....

You seem distant.

You are looking at the water, but not actually seeing it.

Your red bikini and brown hair- I want you forever!

Let’s take a bath- a cozy and romantic bath…

Will ya??

Nah, let me take you to another place.

Close your eyes!!!

Open it now!!!

Is it…is it London??

Yeah, IT IS HARD ROCK CAFÉ!!

It’s noisy and crowded!!

I cannot see your eyes!!

You seem a little too corporate and formal!

The Martini in your hand….

The little black dress of yours…

No…

I cannot differentiate…

Is it you or somebody else!!
Another Swirl…..

A clear and windy day…

"Hey boy, I’m sure you like it now."

Far from the crowded café we are now in Prague.

This is the beautiful Golden lane.

Won’t you enter the Prague castle now?

This is just the place where you and I could stay forever…

Real forever….

Aaahhh… Another jerk….

Where are we now ?

Ssshhh….

Look at the messy people,

Their dirty cloths,

Their loud make up…

The polluted air…

The beautiful river…

The large white dome of GPO…

The warmth of people…

Let me kiss you…

Aahh, we cannot do that publicly…

Let us take a boat ride on the river Ganges…

We are in Kolkata!!

The questionnaire

I love walking alone…

It helps…

Every day I go back I see you, chained…

Chained with your baggage, chained with your memories…

Those black and snaky memories….

They look at me…

They make the hiss and shot me the dirty look… I hear…

1. Who do you think we are?

2. Who do you think you are?

3. Who is it that is chained with us?

I feel puzzled…

I don’t know where I am…

Everything is swirling…

I feel the cold snake skin against my skin…

I shivered…

4. Do we look scary?

5. Would you come to us?

6. Do you love us or hate us?

I struggle, unable to make any sound!!

I struggle hard to keep the memories away.

They keep coming closer.

The hissing sound is deafening now.

7. Going back, isn’t what you want?

8. Are you scared of looking forward?

9. Don’t you like the feel of coldness that we give to you?

10. Look at us, won’t you?

I struggle…and I struggle more to break the chain...

I manage to look up…

Aah, it was just a dream..

A bad dream, just like all the locked up poisonous memories.

There is no questionnaire of life…

I am looking forward….  Unchained and Free!

Secret Lullaby

My hands are shaking.

I should avoid offering you any beverage.

Why did you come here? How did you get my address?

For years I have waited just for you.

You never showed up.

My life became a complete mess.

It’s been two decades. And you are here.

I can see your lips moving.

I cannot hear anything.

You are saying something.

Oh, water. You need water.

I should offer you something with that.

Your fingers touched mine.

No, I don’t remember the first touch anymore.

It’s been more than 25 years now.

That silver streak in your forehead is saying a lot.

I saw your book. I never bought it.

You look pale.

You need not apologize.

I lack mercy. You know that.

I am being normal. You are being smarter.

I don’t like smart asses.

I like snakes.

I have many, in my store room.

Their hissing sound makes the perfect lullaby for me. 

I feed them.

I feed them in the hope that one day you will show up.

Today, is the day…..

“Would you like to have some “flavored” tea??…aah, just as I thought. Let me make it for you then. You will love it.”.